Monday, November 17, 2014

Kardashians spanked

Even if it didn't quite break the internet, Kim Kardashian's recent nude photo shoot caused quite a stir.  Not gonna lie- I thought they were hot. I love curves. But you know what? They'd have been maybe even sexier if they'd been more realistic.
photoshopped wasp on the left, re-photoshopped vision of what she really looks like on the right
Am I alone here? In the pictures above, one looks normal, the other looks like an alien creature.
No, that's not what I meant. The Kardashians (as opposed to the Star Trek Cardassians) have a genetic disposition for being blessed with an ample booty.

Okay so setting that question aside, I can't be the only one that want to spank that delicious bottom, am I? A quick google search reveals that I'm not.
Perhaps this isn't the same Kardashian- I get them confused, but she has the same genetic disposition.
And a closer shot makes it look like she's enjoying it:
And you know what? There are a few more interesting images... here are "butt" a few:
So Kanye, you're a lucky man.
And so are you, Lamar Odom, Miles Austin, Reggie Bush, some stupid tv show host I've never heard of, another Kardashian, etc... I think every spanko in America would love to smack that bottom, or turn a Kardashian over our knee, or at least I would- photoshopped ideal or not.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

LOL day- Interview with former lurker, now a succesful spanking writer, Natasha Knight

It's time again for the 9th annual Love Our Lurkers day.  (I figure most folks have gotten the idea by now, but if you're new to spanking blogs, here's an explanation.)

I was going to post this later, but since this interview touched on several themes relevant to folks who lurk on my blog, since she provided such great answers, and since LOL day gets a bunch of readers... well, thought it made sense to post it today.

Natasha Knight is an author of spanking romance, and a good one. I've written about some of her works on this blog before, and she's written about me on hers. More importantly, I consider her a friend.

Thanks for agreeing to do this interview, and taking the time out of your busy schedule to do so. As I've mentioned before you're quite an accomplished writer of spanking romance novels. How long have you been writing spanking stories and how did you get started? 

Hi Secret Spanko (should I call you that?). Thanks for having me. Yours was one of the first blogs I ever lurked on! So spanking romance. I have been writing them for just over two years - or I've been published for just over two years but have been writing them for maybe two and a half. I actually didn’t know what I was writing until Taught to Kneel came out. That was when I found a spanking romance specific publisher. I didn't know the term 'spanko', didn't know about domestic discipline as a thing that really exists and thought it was just me who had these 'dirty' thoughts. I still remember some of my first edits because I was writing it then all out of this place of wanting and never had experienced it - I believe my publisher used the words '30 spanks, even if he spanks really really hard, would not be memorable'. You can just imagine how embarrassed I felt… but that's two years ago just about and I've come out since and as you say, I'm a spanking weenie and 30 can be plenty memorable!

(Note to self- she started writing books about the time I started puttering around with this blog.  Now she's a successful author and I'm still puttering around with this blog.) 

I would have guessed you'd been writing a lot longer than that. How has the genre changed since you began? This was a genre way before 50 shades, right? 

I believe Bethany's Woodshed was around a LONG time ago so yes, but recently, as in in the last year, the market is flooded with spanking romance. First on 50 shades - it's not spanking romance but it is 'erotica' that got a lot of people to read erotica and lost at least a little bit of their shame over it. Writing wise it is a lot more competitive but in a way, that's not a bad thing. I know my writing has evolved since that first novel and it evolves daily. Plus I like the challenge of thinking up hotter, edgier stuff and of course, I then have to try it out at home to make sure it all works… ;) 

(Note to self- remind me to follow up on that "trying it out at home" bit.)

So, uhm, did you have any idea way back a couple of years ago that this would develop as it has? 

Nope, not at all. Like AT ALL! I am very happy with how things are going writing wise, but more importantly, I figured out the piece that was really hard for me to see or face or admit to another. I started to write this to get these thoughts out of my head. I felt so ashamed for so long. I slowly told my husband what I was up to when my first piece was accepted. It went something like 'Oh, um…I have been writing, you know to fill the time, and I had an offer. It's erotica.' Him: 'Oh, um ok'. A few months later it was: 'well, it's BDSM'. Him: 'Oh………ok………' then after that 'It's mostly spanking but you know I don’t really want that myself, I just write it for other people and it's not something I would ever ever want…" and all the while my mind is yelling at my mouth to shut up already. 

I came out to him on Christmas two years ago and I still remember that night. He didn't laugh or recoil in horror or anything. He just said 'ok'. He definitely struggled with his role as the spanker and there were some shaky months but we're in a really really good place right now and I am kind of wishing he'd stop spanking so hard! He keeps asking me 'where have you been all these years?' and it's kind of bittersweet but it just makes me want to say to all those people who are feeling shame that there is no shame even if you can't come out just yet. It's just the way we're built and it's ok. 

Okay, not trying to get too personal here but is this more of a hobby or a full time job? Is it possible to make a decent living writing stories like this? 

Well, when we moved to Holland, I became a stay at home mom. Before that I was earning a killing as a yoga teacher ;) I can say that you can earn well with this but it is very competitive right now. There's just a lot of really great stuff out there and that's a really great thing especially for the reader! 

(Note to self- former yoga instructor! there goes the stereotype of the romance writer as a sweet little old lady with an active imagination and a houseful of cats- I bet she's hot!) 

Where was I? uhm.. What advice would you give for aspiring spanking romance writers? 

Write what you love and once it's published, don't look at Amazon rankings! Remember that if your product is not marketable, it may not sell as well, even if it has your heart and soul in it, but that doesn't mean you shouldn’t write it. My worst selling book is the one that got me the most connections with readers sharing their own stories and those are the very best things in the world. To touch someone else's life in some tiny little way, to make enough of an impact that they reach out and say 'that was me', it's pretty incredible and beautiful. 

Another spanking romance writer I talked to said that she didn't think she had any male fans. Do you? That you're aware of? (Other than me, of course!) 

Haha! I think I do. I know I do actually because I get mail (and not just the naughty kind). I do think the majority of my readers are women but I'd say about 20%. I kind of think that is because I write the spanking/sex a little harder so…??? Is that why you like me so much?

Uhm... yeah. That probably has something to do with it. (Well plus the former yoga instructor thing.) So, uh, back to the interview...  What can you tell me about your readers? Do you think most of them are, in a sense, secret spankos too? 

Yes, absolutely. This kink is engulfed in shame and we just hide. You know how it is! It hurts if we're rejected or made fun of and all it takes is one little comment to keep us in that closet for too many years. And I don’t even think that people outside of this mean to be judgmental. Yes, some are, of course, but I think all of that comes from a sense of shame that belongs to them in some way. They just maybe don't realize how sensitive we are to their comments or how big a deal this is to us. 

Shifting gears a bit... You're not just a writer of spanking romance, you're into spanking personally right? 

Yes, absolutely I'm into this. I couldn't write something I don’t find totally hot!

The scenes in the books are pretty wild. And you've included things that aren't just traditional spankings, like incorporating various creative anal punishments, or medical scenes, for example. Are those things that excite you and you just want to include? Is there any pressure to push the envelope for sales? Are those things people have requested? I'm not great at interviews but basically I'm asking- how much of what you write is for yourself vs. writing what you know your fans want to read- how about that? 

Pretty much all of it is what I find hot. Like for me, breasts are not so erotic (probably because mine are tiny - TMI for your readers). [Nope!] If I put nipple clamps on a heroine, I pretty much forget to take them off because I'm so focused on the bottom and whatever goes on there! Writing anal punishment is hot hot hot for me. Writing medical is hot because I can focus on vulnerability, exposure. I love the idea of submitting to punishment or discipline. Discipline is kind of a key word for me at the moment. I’m totally rambling but just to wrap it up, I write what I find hot!

Is it getting a little hot in here? Where was I? Uhm... Just a random because I'm curious question- where do you get the covers for the books? 

Korey Mae Johnson at Stormy Night Publications. She's kind of AMAZING!!! 

Anything upcoming you want to promote or tease? 


Can't wait! Again, thank you so much for taking the time to do this. I look forward to visiting again with you hopefully soon.

Now to my lurkers- Thank You! You're the reason I write stuff on here. I hope you enjoyed the interview, and recognized that here was a former lurker who since finding the blog has begun a rewarding career, and come out to her husband as a spanko. (And yes, she's happily married- I was kidding about getting all hot and flustered during the "interview"). But I hope her story can be as inspiring to some of you as it was to me.

And please feel free to comment, even if anonymously. I always try to respond.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Tinkerbell gets spanked

I was inspired recently when I saw a pic on fetlife of someone dressed up as Tinkerbell. Of course, I can't use that pic here, but it got me thinking. I've always sorta assumed Peter Pan was gay, but... he keeps a cute faerie locked up in a jar and spanks her when he needs pixie dust.
And let's face it, Tink is kinda hot, right? Perhaps when Peter was in dire need of lots of pixie dust, he really laid it on, and just his hand wasn't enough...
thanks Desiring Discipline
I suppose she does have a cute little butt...

Halloween is coming up, and every woman's costume must be the sexy version of the character, right? Tink is a good choice.
Cause Tinkerbell is naturally sorta sexy.  The character has a short skirt. It's not as unnatural as say, a sexy jelly fish

or a sexy snowoman (is that a word?)
In looking up images for this post, I found some young ladies into cosplay as Tinkerbell:
Love that smirk, that pout, and would love to lock her in a jar and spank her whenever I felt like it. (Sorry, where was I?) Unfortunately, the real Tinkerbell is only a few inches tall, and spanking her is more likely to look like this:
from Wolfie toons
However, for all you ladies dressing up as Tinkerbell, just know that taking an occasional spanking is part of your character!

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

How hard? In pursuit of Goldilocks

How hard to you like your spankings? giving or receiving? It can be a crucial question when discussing either with a potential play partner, and one that's not easily answered.  I came up with my hamburger analogy of how spankings differ, and every spanko has their own idea about their spanking preferences.  I touched on severity, but the best I could come up with is that I couldn't decide which was more severe: well-done or extra rare and red.   Without actually giving a spanking and deciding a little more or a little less, it's tough to say what your preference is because everything is relative based on one's experience (both the top and the bottom).  

Not too hard, not too soft... just right!
Yes, she should be forgiven, but after she's been spanked

nik zula at deviant art
I'm admittedly a switch, but I've had disappointing sessions in both roles due to the fact that we weren't on the same page in terms of severity level. I stopped spanking one lady because of the state of her butt. She'd explained that she was very experienced and a heavy player.  She wanted more but I was uncomfortable because her butt looked like hamburger meat.  We talked, debriefed, and we met again. The second time again she was giving all the signals that she wanted more- and again I got squeamish at the state of her butt and stopped before she got what she wanted.  On the other hand, I once met someone I'd played with a couple of times before, and we were going to film me getting a spanking for her website.  Perhaps it was my state of mind, maybe it was the fact that I'd watched a couple of her recent videos, but I told her to go easy on me. The result was a spanking so weak it didn't do much for me and wasn't even included in the video.*

So how does one decide how hard? How severe? It's tough to do without trial and error. most good spankers err on the side of too little, especially initially. Also the skin tone can affect marks dramatically.  I personally think it's best to determine like a chef tasting the soup/sauce/batter throughout the cooking and deciding based on his/her skilled and trained taste.  It's hard to describe, but the taste is gauged based on the spankee's reactions. I was corresponding with another switch spanko recently about this topic was great, and her response mirrored my own:

"How severely I like to spank is kind of hard to answer. I do not like the look of damage. I would rather disappoint by going too easy on someone than going too hard, especially initially. However, I like spankings to hurt. I like to see some roses in a spankee's cheeks, but besides that, I don't have a visual goal. I like some of a spanking to be fun and easy to take, and I like some of it to be challenging."

I couldn't have said it better myself. I think this picture from punished brats sums up my just-enough-but-not-too-much thoughts well.


*and no, I'm not talking about Dana Kane.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Don't know where to start

I think I might have ADD.  I'd originally intended to write several posts this past week and a half or so, but by the time I got one started, I'd come up with another pressing and timely idea, and then another. Hell I've re-written and updated THIS post several times. So to avoid burying the lede, yes, I will be discussing a piece written by Jillian Keenan about how spanking is a sex act, which is why it shouldn't be used to punish children.

But first... I was going to continue my short series on consent this week, discussing how there's an element of non-consent inherent in a lot of, if not most, spanking play, literature, movies, and archetypes:
"You're going to do what?!" 
"No please not on the bare!" 
"I can't take any more!" as she reaches her hand back to cover up her butt and the spanker grabs her wrist and pins it against her back before giving her more, etc...) 
Really any form of punishment contains an element of non-consent or coercive consent.
But I was going to try and contrast non-consensual element of spanking play with the discussion and awakening about sexual consent happening on college campuses across America, and probably going to comment about a George Will editorial from this summer on the topic.

Then I was going to follow that up with my thoughts on the question of whether it's okay to get turned on by elements of non-consent. Short answer: yes, so long as there's no real harm. 

Spanking isn't a turn on for everyone, obviously. It's sort of an inherently violent non-consenty fetish, but there are safe guards to prevent real harm: safe words in place so that when the spankee's squirming over a lap trying to avoid the blows of the hairbrush, both parties are reassured, deep down that they don't really want to get away; or there's the trust built up in relationships among consenting adults playing even without safe words; or there's the fact that you know it's a video involving payed actors (most spanking video producers film candid interviews with the participants); or... it's a fictional story you're reading involving made up characters and pure fantasy.

There are exceptions to my analysis of course, and that makes any discussion of a sticky topic like this that reaches a conclusion dangerous- even if it's in a fictional account, I don't want to read about underage characters* or extreme violence, and I'm inclined to reflexively judge those that do, despite the "no real harm done" rationalization.  And certainly not everyone into spanking is into punishment or any form of non-consent.  One lady I met with for spanking just liked the sensation and excitement. No role play, no lecture, no reason, just please spank my butt with your hand and don't talk.  She saw it as a cross between a massage and bungee jumping. If she were ordering a spanking hamburger, it would be bread and meat only, dry. That one person completely blows my theories out of the water.  It's hard to have any discussion about the spanking fetish because there are, well... shades of gray. (sorry!)

So while I was trying to reconcile these abstract concepts in my head, I started getting distracted by JLo's new video.

Speaking of music videos, then I started something about how I'm all about dat B-Ass, and I don't mean fishing. Er, I mean... I was distracted reading about the Scottish independence vote, and started writing a post complete with a discussion of the Scottish tawse vs. the English cane and how those implements were sort of personifications of some of the ideals, and countries, and of course I was going to throw in some Rick Perry Texas secession silliness...
Okay fine here are some images from that post that never was, from firmhandspanking.com something timely and Scottish for the female gaze, and the appropriately named http://www.mccustoms.co.uk/
But then... Holy Crap! Corporal punishment erupted as a conversation in America following the indictment of NFL Star Adrian Peterson for child abuse after his doctor reported wounds to his 4-year-old son.

I'm always horrified at stories in the news of abuse. This one was especially bad. He hit his four year old son with a switch and the son had bruises on his testicles. While I didn't see many defending the NFL star for this directly, at least one did, and there were so many comments and stories about spanking the last couple of weeks I could have blogged about it every day.

Of course, Slate magazine was on top of it. (A direct quote from my post from March of 2013: "As I've said before, in the past I've been surprised   just   how   many   stories   on   this  somewhat highbrow internet magazine deal with spanking.") Now Slate was hardly alone. Everyone was talking about it. But let's focus on Slate, and I'll get to why in just a minute.
These articles were fascinating to the amateur sociologist in me. But pretty much everything said about spanking everywhere paled in comparison to the shock and awe generated by the aforementioned piece written by Jillian Keenan about how spanking is a sex act, which is why it shouldn't be used to punish children.

It's a great article and I encourage everyone to read it. As I told someone else- it was like a blog post I'd want to write, if I could only manage to form complex thoughts into such a cogent argument.  And write like a professional writer. And research like a professional writer. And devote time to this blog other than late at night after I'd had a few.

Sorry, where was I? It was a great article, and I encourage everyone reading this to read it, and spend awhile taking a look at the links in there too. She made the case that spanking has been seen as sexual for a long time.
a scene right out of kink.com, but from the 5th century b.c.e., and there are other examples from the Renaissance and the Victorian era in England.
Then she goes through the biological and physiological reasons why butts are sexualized. I can't post every picture that she linked, because I don't want to pay for stock photos, but the S1, S2 nerve bundle that goes to the genitals also goes to your ass...  And the major blood vessels too. Your ass gets red from a spanking... guess where else blood is flowing? What's more, she points out a scientific article that confirms something I've tried to explore, about how arousal increases pain tolerance.

Now what follows is anecdotal evidence, but it makes the physiological arguments expressed in the article ring true to me.  Once upon a time, I was only interested in spanking women. Then I decided to be on the receiving end of a spanking for a couple of reasons, well, mainly one: I wanted to make sure I could take what I was dishing out.  But a funny thing happened- I experienced the endorphin high I'd only heard about before. It was surprisingly sexually arousing. If for no other reason, than by my experience being spanked as an adult, I'd say it's a sexual act.

Then Ms. Keenan starts making the argument that spanking children is harmful, and links to another article discussing a study in which a bunch of children were exposed to a stressful situation (strangers giving them a math test) and then had their hormone levels tested via cheek swabs. Most of the kids, when faced with this stressful situation, had elevated levels of cortisol- it's what makes you stress and your palms sweaty. However, the girls** with a history of harsh physical discipline, when faced with the same stressful situation, instead had elevated levels (triple the level) of oxytocin- the hormone that alleviates pain when aroused, or generates warm and fuzzy feelings. That's mind blowing. Don't spank little girls, or you'll mess them up for real.

I think that study should get a whole lot more attention. It might help explain why women stay in abusive relationships. Which brings us back to the NFL and... nevermind*** not going to add yet another topic.

Again, an amazing article.  While I generally agree with it, and it was generally well received by the spanking community, apparently it was not as well received by the general public.   Several days after it's publication, while the article had fallen off the front page of Slate, it was still the #2 most shared article of the week.  Those on twitter more than me reported that the author received death threats.

While I generally agree with the article, and truly admire the fortitude and emotional strength of author for writing it and posting it, and there's a big part of me that just wants to cheer her on, and I'm glad others have done so... I feel the need to quibble just a bit. Not even going to say it rises to shades of gray, but maybe off-white and dark charcoal gray? I wish I knew her well enough to actually debate this.

A) I've spanked my kids 4  times. I remember each, because they troubled me. Looking back, maybe I'm rationalizing but I think I did the right thing. Run out in the street without looking. Try to play with/stick something in the electrical socket. Let Mommy or Daddy tell you to come here and you look at us defiantly, we count to three and you don't come running, they need to know there are consequences. Now in two of these incidences, it was a "spanky hand" because they were in diapers. I don't regret may actions as a parent and do not think they were sex acts in any way.  It was a way of getting the attention and making it clear with little ones who are just developing the ability to reason that they absolutely should not do things like run into the street without looking or stick things into electrical sockets.  We never had those problems again, and now that my kids are at the level I can reason with them I won't spank them again. However, and I hate to say this but, has Ms. Keenan ever had toddler boys?

B) here's the dark gray part... The first spanking stories I ever read on the internet involved teenage girls getting spanked. I liked them, and was all "holy shit?! there are stories like this out there?!!" I truly think there's a love/hate relationship with an authority figure giving a spanking for most spankos.  Some spankos like to use words like "Mommy" or "Daddy." Having said that, these desires for spanking or being spanked are at the core of their sexual being. And they (we) don't want to think that those feelings are weird, or sick, or wrong.   I think there's a natural tendency to condemn that which doesn't align with one's worldview.  I'm not saying that spanking kids is right, just that spankos are the first ones to say it's wrong, and that should be expected.

Okay I promise I'll either get up to date, or post some light hearted stuff soon. Until then, enjoy these footnotes:

*As a complete aside, there are two major online free repositories of online erotica: Storiesonline.net allows underage stories, while the larger Literotica.com does not. Fortunately Storiesonline has a much more detailed system of categorization so that one can avoid underage content. On the other hand, the prohibition against it on Literotica leads to probably half the stories beginning with some version of "I'd just turned 18 and so had my high school sweetheart..."  One exception I'll mention is a great story I read years ago on Storiesonline by Al Steiner called Aftermath. An Armageddon type comet hits the US, survivors are few, and a guy that lost his family rescues a 16 year old girl and well... but the fact that she's underage becomes a necessary plot point in that because she is underage and they become a couple, they have trouble being accepted by other survivors.

** there was no discernible difference in the hormone levels for harshly disciplined boys faced with the same stressful situation.

*** yes one day I'll learn how to use footnotes in blogger. But it's ridiculous that an ESPN writer was suspended for 3 weeks for saying in a podcast that the NFL commissioner was lying about having not seen the video of an NFL player punching his girlfriend unconscious, when the preponderance of the evidence  appears to make it clear that he had, while the ESPN guy that tried to defend him and made comments about how she may have provoked it got a 1 week suspension, and the initial suspension of the NFL player was only 2 weeks.