Sunday, November 13, 2011

Spankings are like hamburgers, and how to use this analogy

How do you explain the appeal of spankings?  

I've come up with a theory or analogy that I've shared a couple of times before, but figured this was the best forum to fully explain it.

The appeal of spanking...

It's erotic, but it's not just that. After all, it's easier to find a sex partner or straight porn than it is to find a spankee or spanking movies.

It's about submission, but most spankos (me included) are not into "slaves" or collars or rope bondage.

Pain plays a big role. I think there's an undeniable sadistic/masochistic element to those that are into spanking. But it's not just any pain. doesn't exist as far as I know, nor does (And if they did, don't think either one would do much for me!)

Many folks talk about the emotional release they get with a spanking. Frankly, crying and tears are special and very appealing to me, but it's not just that either... Lifetime movies don't do much for me either.

I've read that childhood experiences can lead to one becoming a spanko.  Maybe the appeal is that spankos are compelled to like spankings because of painful childhood trauma. Still not sure what I think about that. I tend to think there's a grain of truth there, but that can't be the entire explanation... after all many spankos weren't spanked growing up, and braces were traumatic and painful for me yet I don't have an orthodontic fetish.

And to top it off, a spanking isn't a spanking, isn't a spanking... 

Bonnie had a recent brunch topic about how pure a spanko you are, but even among those who just want a "pure spanking" there's a wide degree of variance.  A foreplay spanking might have no element of punishment involved. A disciplinary spanking might be far more harsh and have no erotic element to it.

"Lift up so I can take your panties down." -as a spanking progresses past the initial warm up, this phase is a hot trigger for me. The lady is not only allowing a spanking to proceed, but is taking an affirmative step to help even though she may not be enthusiastic. On the other hand, some enjoy fake struggling involving a lack of submission, and many folks like restraints or grabbing the arm behind the spankees back or the leg lock.

Some folks like Lupus films style brutal canings. Others are horrified at those and prefer only hand-spankings.

This had led to my theory or analogy that the appeal of spanking is kind of like a hamburger. 

Each element of a spanking is analogous to the parts of a hamburger. By themselves, not all that appealing, but put them together and you get something delicious and fulfil your craving.

I figure you can break it down like this:

Buns - the spankee's bottom. (Seems appropriate) Enjoying bottoms I think is pretty universal among spankos.

Hamburger meat - pain. It's a pretty big part of it. Spankings hurt.

These are the only two essential ingredients. Combine those two and you have a spanking.

Where it goes from there is up to individual tastes.

Picklespunishment for something you've done wrong and the lecturing that goes along with it.

Lettuce - embarrassment; "Arch your back and spread your legs a bit more. I want to see all of you." Going to the corner to show off your red bottom; pointing out the spankees arousal; many fantasies involve witnesses.

Tomatoessubmission; "Bring me the hairbrush." Lifting up to remove the panties. Giving in and letting go because someone else is in charge.

Onionstears/crying/the emotional release; like buns, this just sort of seems appropriate. But I also think the warm comforting hugs are a part of this emotional appeal as well, even if the spanking doesn't lead to tears.

Cheesesexual stimulation; a comforting caress, a squeeze, a rub, even a finger. Maybe just the visual of naked flesh.

Condiments- a wide variety of implements or maybe even a special sauce!

edited to add an additional ingredient, in honor of Erica Scott, because she's an attention who... er hog, and even though she doesn't really like bacon...
Bacon- enjoying the ability to act out and uhm... "ham" it up in an intense situation not normally encountered. Whether it's bratting, or age play, or getting angry and asserting your rarely expressed dominance, spanking play offers an opportunity to act outsude the bounds of how we normally act, in a situation that's not normally encountered and far more intense than most interpersonal interactions.

I'm not saying this is a perfect analogy or that it captures every bit of what a spanking might be... not sure about mushrooms, or peppers, or even uhm, ginger root that one might want to add.  Also it's missing elements of a spanking like fear, nervousness, and butterflies beforehand... or the elation in having undergone and survived a good spanking afterward.  Nor have I figured out whether raw meat or well done equals a severe session or a more tame one.

But I think it's a good analogy and a good framework for discussion of desires and needs.  So... Here's how it can be used...

So you're a secret spanko maybe talking to someone for the first time that's a potential play partner... explain this analogy to them, and they'll think you've thought a great deal about spankings.  Then ask what kind of spanking they'd order if they went to Burger King and could have it their way...

"I'm not big on pickles, but have to admit, I'm plenty cheesy!"

"How can you have a spanking without pickles?"

Any comment on what the potential playmate is looking for in a "hamburger" is incredibly revealing as to their spanking desires; it tells you a lot about them and what they want.  Plus it may be easier for them to reveal their inner thoughts by way of the analogy than by verbalizing their hidden desires-at least initially.   Maybe I'm a complete dork, but I've used the hamburger analogy and it's led to some great conversations and a few great playdates. 

So... Am I missing anything in the analogy? How would you order your spanking? Would love to hear some comments about what kind of spanking you're in the mood for at the moment.


  1. That's a cute analogy. I'll have mine with two burger patties, tomatoes, and two Krispy Kreme doughnuts in place of the bun, because spanking is delightfully fun and delicious.


  2. Very good analogy!! You have put some thought into this!! One might say that this is "well-done"!! lol!!


  3. you're so sweet, Hermione, and I saw awhile back on the internet about burgers made with doughnut buns, but the name Krispy Kreme for some odd inexplicable reason has always made me think of my roommate's dorm room socks. Not that I don't love doughnuts!

    Bob/Senor rose- glad you liked it. I came up with the analogy after a few commutes to and from work turning the radio off and just thinking about why I was into spanking.

  4. (giggling) You debuted the shortened version of this on my blog in a comment. I laughed then, and I'm laughing now.

    So I'm guessing those buns are always toasted?

    I'm too literal for analogies. I'm sitting here thinking, "But wait... I hate raw onions and I don't like pickles, but I enjoy the release of crying and the punishment aspect. I love tomatoes, but I'm hardly submissive. And I love sex, but hate cheese."

    Aren't you sorry you asked?

    And if anyone tries to put any ginger root anywhere near MY burger, they'll be dislodging it from their sinuses.

  5. Erica- that reminds me that my analogy is not perfect. I need to figure out what ingredient represents the enjoyment one gets from being able to act out and be as mouthy/bratty/otherwise attempting to earn their spankings. I suspect your ideal burger comes with heaping uhm... "toppings" of that.