Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Finally saw "Secretary" ...yup, it was awful.

This time of year is awfully crazy around here.  It seems those precious hours after the kids are asleep are even more precious now... But instead of being spent on naughty internet time, they're spent on finishing up cooking, Christmas projects, addressing a Christmas card to someone that wasn't on our list but sent us one so we have to send them one, and late night trips to Wal-Mart and Toys R Us (they're open 24 hours until Christmas) or doing regular household stuff because I didn't have time to get it done during the evening when we had something.  So apologies to those that have left comments days ago but I just now got around to thanking/replying.

Even with all that going on, after finishing up stuff around the house one night this week, I decided to veg out with a beer watching sportscenter... but then flipped to the skinamax type channels during a commercial break, cause you know, I'm a guy.  The Secretary was on.  The one with James Spader as an attorney and Maggie Gyllenhaal as his masochistic secretary.  I'd never seen it, but had read lots about it.  Maybe next to McLintock! and Exit to Eden it's the spankiest American mainstream movie ever made.  (McLintock was awfully boring and only unintentionally funny, and the spankings were silly; meanwhile the lady that was in Tombstone and China Beach -forget her name and too lazy to look it up- was an interesting character, and plenty hot, but Exit to Eden also had Rosie O'Donnell talking about her periods in it.)  I figured any self-respecting spanko should see Secretary at least once, so I stuck with it.  I saw probably 2/3rds of the movie and... It was awful.

Every character in it was completely unbelievable and certifiably crazy.  The story was dumb, and the ending eye-rollingly ridiculous.  Yes, the secretary herself was plenty hot and showed plenty of nudity, which I like, but I can't imagine the James Spader character doing anything for female spankees out there.  He finally takes her panties down and doesn't whack her but instead whacks off and leaves?  He has her sit at the desk at the end until she pees on herself?!  Then he sees what's going on and leaves again not to come back until it's a media frenzy?!  Felt sorry for her boyfriend, not because of what happened in the movie but because I always thought of E.T. whenever he was around.

Don't know what I was expecting, but was completely disappointed at wasting over an hour of my life watching that.  It wasn't hot enough spanking-wise for me to be able to ignore the story and just wait until the good parts, and the story was so stupid I did not enjoy it as a regular movie.  Oh well.  I've seen it now. (er... most of it.)

Next blog posts... more retro spanking story sites and a spanking video website review.


  1. Thanks for the review, I haven't seen it yet and don't care for James Spaeder anyway, so I think I will skip it.

  2. I happen to think that James Spader is very hot, but the movie did get a little weird. When she peed on the floor, my husband insisted on turning it off, and I had to watch the end later when he wasn't around. It wasn't what I expected.

    Spader is much better in Boston Legal, although William Shatner is the spanko in that series.


  3. See, I liked Secretary. Granted, some of it wasn't my cup of kink. And I know many people resent the fact that it represented kinky folks as being disturbed.

    BUT... I loved the Lee character. I loved watching her blossom and grow, loved watching her gain confidence. Spader never looked hotter; his character was very conflicted and that is a common theme in the fetish world.

    The over-the-desk spanking could have been hotter if he'd at least pulled up her skirt. HOWEVER... his calm, deliberate voice? Her facial expressions? Their fingers touching? The way she ran to the bathroom to check out her bottom? Spot on.

  4. I have a thing for Spader.

    My chief complaint with the movie is that the characters are suffering from major dysfunctions -- Lee was a cutter, and Edward a man so afraid of confrontation that he hid in closets. I don't like spankos being represented that way.

    However, the tension between the two of them was perfect. And...what Erica said.

  5. Alright, alright, ladies... Just me... never claimed to be a good movie reviewer. (faerie glad someone agrees with me.)

    I thought he was portrayed as wormy, socially awkward, and someone who used spanking as a compensation for his lack of self esteem rather than someone who just enjoyed it. Erica and Pink articulated it better than I did. Both the parties into spanking were into it because they were damaged/not right in the head, and I didn't like it.

    But if y'all think he's hot... did I mention that I kind of look like him? Imagine me as him, but with an accent and a lot more self confidence! ;)

  6. Hi SS,

    I have very mixed feelings about the movie. I am thrilled that our favorite kink was portrayed in a Hollywood movie without the usual guffaws. On the other hand, why couldn't the characters be a little more like the spankos we know. Lee just got out of a mental institution? Ugh! This is not a stereotype we want.

    I'm still waiting for the mainstream romance, or maybe even a rom-com, that includes spanking portrayed in the very natural way that so many couples share it. A girl can wish...