Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Let your switch flag fly!

Is there a stigma associated with being a switch?  If so, what exactly is it? I haven't been to spanking parties- all my experiences have been one on one... so maybe I'm just ignorant. 

For the vast majority of my life, being spanked has had zero appeal to me. I was spanked growing up, and that obviously was something I tried hard to avoid. Then when I discovered spanking on the internet, when I occasionally encountered F/M content I'd avoid it.  Ewww... Not my thing at all.  Made my penis shrivel. 

But then I decided I needed to experience it and that doing so would make me a better spanker.  I started looking into it and approaching people on the internet about it.  Part of my standard spiel is that discretion is important to me, cause, you know... I'm a secret spanko and all and don't want it being public that I'm into spanking.  But it was funny when seeking a woman spanker... Over and over I heard some variation of "Don't worry, I'm very discreet.  I have a few doms I spank regularly and haven't told a soul.  I won't tell anyone that you've been spanked either."  Really?!  It was as if the fact that I'm meeting an almost stranger for spanking was no big deal, but apparently it's the fact that I'd be on the receiving end that's a big deal to keep hush-hush.  

Why hide it?  Why not announce proudly that you can and have taken what you dish out?!  Is it some sort of machismo thing?  Are you afraid you might be seen as weak for having submitted?  I can kind of understand why one in a professional setting might not want to publicize the fact that they've switched.    The public is paying for a persona, and that's what they want.  Plus if a professional domme talked about being on the receiving end, they might be inundated with requests for that... so they keep that part hidden.    I totally get that.  What I don't understand are regular everyday tops that don't want to admit that they've been on the receiving end, and apparently swear their spankers to secrecy about the fact that they have been.  

I also don't get how any self-respecting spanker would not try it out.  That's easy for me to say now, I guess, because I have, but at the time I was plenty nervous about it.   However, I'd think if I were a newbie spankee that had always been fascinated by spanking but just starting out on those scary first steps of acting on it, I'd rather lay over the lap of someone that was familiar with what was about to happen to me.  

I've only been spanked twice as an adult, by Dana Kane, an excellent spanker.  It didn't turn me into a sub.  It was not as erotic to me as giving a spanking.  It hurt.  A lot!  But it gave me a whole new perspective anytime I see a spanking video or picture on the internet, and greatly enhances my appreciation of them.  I picked up some great new techniques that I can't wait to try out out on a lucky lady here soon.  And there are some undeniably appealing aspects of turning off, letting go, and just taking it.  (Not to mention the undeniably appealing aspects of having an attractive lady take down your pants while your stomach is full of nervous butterflies.)

Finally, to those tops out there reading this who say, "Nope, not me, that's just not how I roll.  I'm the dominant one."  Well, I'm reminded of a job once where on a weekly rotation, each team of employees would be assigned to clean the break room.  There was a janitorial service that came at night, and never mind that we were paying regular employees way too much an hour to be windexing once a month, that was just how it was done. As a relatively new member of what was, in essence, management, I suggested that A) we should talk to the janitorial service about it and it was a waste of resources for us to do it like this, but when that was shot down, I suggested that B) if this is how it's done, it would be a good gesture for the management team to take a rotation.  That idea went over like a pregnant pole-vaulter.  Nope.  What did I know?  I thought it was the wrong call back then, and think it's the wrong call for any tops thinking that way now.  Maybe some tops just want to keep that level of separation, but I'd go so far as to say you owe it to your bottom (if not to yourself) to experience it just once, or twice. 

If I'm ignorant about any perceived stigma, or ignorant about other reasons why tops might choose to keep their switching a secret, please enlighten me.


  1. I very much agree that there shouldn't be a stigma. Whether there is at parties and the like I cannot say, as I haven't been to any.

    I consider myself a switch. When I was first realizing I was into spanking, as a kid, I was actually probably more bottom than top, probably at least in part because my parents never spanked me and I was curious what it would be like. As I got holder my preferences shifted to the point where I now lean top, but I am still very much into both.

  2. I'm not so sure that the stigma is for being a switch so much as it is for a man to let a woman spank him; I know a number of men would consider that demeaning and damaging to their pride.

    Like you I am a long time spanker, and I got interested in the idea of switching only in the last 2 or 3 years. I now thoroughly enjoy it, but for different reasons than I like to spank (I must do a blog post about this - thanks for including me on your blog list by the way).

    I'm not sure that I have ever thought of myself as a dom as such, although I suppose my actions would brand me as one. I just like spanking!

    All the best


  3. Thanks guys, glad to know I'm not alone. I can completely understand if someone is "just not into it" -I get that. That was me for awhile. Speaking from experience, I think they're missing out. It adds to the enjoyment of seeing a womans bottom turn pink or red as she squirms knowing a little about what she's going through.

    Now as for those men that would consider it demeaning and damaging to their pride, well...

    A)that's part of the point- it's embarrassing and vulnerable, and

    B) If they're not man enough to take what they dish out or are into spanking play but some spanking play might damage their self image too much, just my opinion but they probably have issues beyond the scope of this blog.

    Thanks again for the comments.