Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Forget Cane-iac... Here's a SecretSpanko guide to implements

So you may have noticed lately that several other blogs have been recruited to endorse Cane-iac spanking implements.  Due to my prominent stature in the spanking community, I too was approached with such an offer, but I turned them down!*  See, even though they ship items rather discreetly... as a Secret Spanko, even an inconspicuous triangle box might raise the eyebrows of my spouse, and even I'm not into it enough to get a Secret Spanko P.O. Box.

So instead, I thought I'd provide a buying guide for Secret Spanko implements.  Who knows when those emails might be answered and you're all lined up for a playdate on short notice?  Better be prepared, so here you go:

Wooden Spoons - I bought a 3-pack for $2.99 recently from the aisle that had cooking utensils at my local grocery store.  Small but awfully stingy.  Go get the groceries, and "let" them slide out of your bag and end up in your trunk.  If your spouse discovers and asks about them... "Oh, I thought you needed some, and just saw them.  Only $2!  Must've fallen out of the bag!"  Leave them until you use them, then give them to your spankee and buy some more.  And at that price, they're practically disposable.

Wooden Hairbrush - picked one up at Walgreens just the other day.  On sale for $6.99.  Real wood, flat back (that's actually pretty important and fairly rare) and genuine boar bristles.  Who gives a rat's ass about the boar bristles? But it makes sense to have a hairbrush in your car/truck because you're occasionally on the road and need it to get ready for a meeting/appointment/etc... right? Easily explainable, very effective.

Your belt - the softer and more worn the better.  Every time I've met a lady for a spanking playdate, I've worn khakis and my oldest softest leather belt.  Invest in a good one.  Mine's a Polo brand I bought back when Polo was really cool in college (15 years or so ago.)  Don't think it needs to be stiff or have an edge to really provide a good impact- quite the opposite.  It's leather- It's not gonna break- a cow's hide is much tougher than a lady's behind.  Stay away from western belts or dress belts that are stiff or have any sort of pattern.

Between your hand, your belt, a hairbrush and some wooden spoons, you may not be able to deliver her fantasy of bending over for six-of-the-best, but you can sure give a heckuva spanking! And you won't have to worry about breaking your budget or hiding something that's clearly a spanking implement.

*Okay, so maybe I'm having a little fun here.  In all seriousness, I know Cane-iac makes fine products, and in fact I know just how much they hurt and have experienced a couple of them. But I thought it was kind of amusing and did think it was worthwhile to mention some nice effective yet discreet alternatives.


  1. (laughing) Well, I must correct one thing. The good people at Cane-iac did not recruit me -- I bought their products of my own accord, then sang their praises when they impressed me (the prices, the customer service, etc.).

    I agree, a simple wooden hairbrush or a man's leather belt are classic. And you make a good point about non-implement-specific playtoys. But a word of warning -- those El Cheapo wooden spoons that come in a three-pack break upon just about any impact. My top brought a set of those over one night -- he broke two of them that same night and then the third one next time. Naturally, I gloated my fool face off.

    Oh wait... make that TWO things I must correct. The word is discrEET. :-Þ

  2. Aaargh! Erica I hate making writing mistakes... they cause me some, uhm, Kathy Bates-like Misery. Thanks for pointing it out- really. fixed now.

    I just assumed you were trying to be, well... discreet in speaking their praises without coming out and actually explicitly endorsing them.

    By the way, don't think I've mentioned it before but that avatar of you smiling is kinda sexy, and of course my vote is "yea!"

  3. you wouldnt spank a good girl, who only lied 3 times to you this week, on her bare bottom or with your belt?

    1. 3 times this week? uhm, let me think about it... yep! you're getting a whoopin!