Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Prose about the pros (and cons) of pro's

Read a couple of blog entries recently on two of the blogs I really enjoy that got me thinking about people who get paid for their spanking activities.  First some discussion of labels.  There are those that get paid for participating in spanking activities and many more who do not.  Although I've frequently heard the terms such as "lifestyle domme" vs. "professional domme" - I hesitate to use them.  I'm willing to bet that for most professionals, spanking is far more of a lifestyle than it is to "lifestyle" spankos... and "amateur" makes it sound like those not getting paid for it don't know what we're doing.  So I'll stick with pro's and non-pro's.

One post discussed how the blogger's partner sees a woman spanker and mentions that he does not want to see a professional spanker because when you're paying someone to spank you, you're still really in control -and he desires to truly submit.  The other post was about a man deciding to contact a professional spankee. I found these posts interesting because that's the opposite of my experiences so far.  I've only been spanked by the hands (and the paddle/cane/hairbrush etc...) of a professional, while my spankees were not getting paid for it.

As I've said, for me a pro was absolutely the right call for my spanking.  There were several advantages of a pro for me:
  • I figured they'd know what they were doing (I mean, they're good enough at giving spankings someone's paying them, right?!)
  • There's a lot more information available about each lady- they have a website, pictures, etc... And frankly didn't want the hassle of getting to know a non-pro because I'm not generally submissive, and at the time didn't even know if I'd ever want to do it again. I sure didn't want any emotional involvement (though I can say I've since become friends with my pro-spanker.)
  • Plus, there were a reasonably large number of pro spankers out there from which to pick.  I did some research and picked a great one.  On the other hand, I was surprised that on bottomseek, a site for F/M spankos, there were a bunch of guys looking, but there was ONE lady in my state searching for a bottom to spank (and she lived several hours away.)

In part because my experience with a pro spanker went so well, I've looked into the possibility of finding a pro-spankee. That would be awesome, I thought. No hassle, easy set up without the extended email game of convincing them that a) I know what I'm doing  b) I'm not a creep and then c) the nervous exchange of pics, both hoping the other isn't ugly or morbidly obese...  None of that, just easy fun, right?  I'd be willing to pay for it. Well, turns out there aren't many pro-spankees in the US.  Pixie and Lily Anna and Sarah Gregory were about the only ones I could find after some searching.  (Maybe I just don't know where to look.)  It seems pro bottoms are more common in Britain than in the U.S.

Actually, I think lots of pro-spankers and a lack of pro-spankees kind of makes sense.  As a pro, you wouldn't have as much control over who comes in the door, and I bet that makes it especially difficult if you're in the far more vulnerable position of a spankee.  It would take a special submissive to be open to the different styles, methods, and whims of whoever wants to take you over their knee, even with safe-words.  Then there's the professionals-are-better-at-it-than-us-non-pro-aspect.  It takes more skill to deliver a spanking than it does to receive one.  So unless pro-bottoms can cry on demand or take more of a spanking than non-pros...  there's no advantage there.  Plus I'd think there's a physiological limit to the amount of spankings one can take that's very different from the amount of spankings that can be given by someone with a toned arm that's in good shape.  Maybe most importantly (to me) is that in giving a spanking, I want the spankee to be open, honest, vulnerable, a bit embarrassed, emotionally involved, and those are things that I'm not sure can be replicated by a professional, even if they have great acting ability, and even if they're really cute.  I want the spanking to be "real" to them, even if it's not for real life transgressions.  

Bottom line, I think it makes more sense, if you're going to hire someone to participate in spanking, to hire a spanker than to hire a spankee.  That's not to say that I won't try someday if a really cute pro spankee stumbles into my lap, so to speak, and that's not to say that I can't wait to hear how those adventures turn out, but just what makes sense to me.   


  1. Hullo again; interesting post. I suspect that I'm the second blogger that you mentioned.

    I'm really surprised that there aren't more professional spankees in the US, although I totally agree with your point about the lack of control a submissive may experience.

    On the issue of how much a spankee can take, I think most people who are regularly spanked build up increased tolerances, and I'd guess that there is a psychological toughening, as well as a physical one.

    At least one of the spankees I considered (my primary back up choice in fact) advertises that she only allows spankings 2 or 3 days each week, in order to provide an unmarked bottom, but also, I assume, so as not to overdose on her kink (she is a life style submissive - a lot of the spankees I've seen advertising are).

    Nice post once again

    Best wishes


  2. Thanks for the comment and thanks for helping to inspire that post. I don't have many original ideas, just react to what I read. Like I said, can't wait to hear how your little adventure goes. I do wish there were more pro-subs in America; I'd love to be convinced that I'm all wrong about this issue.

  3. You're right re. labels; they tend to pigeon-hole people and be misleading. Plus, one can be both lifestyle and pro. All depends on the individual.

    You're also correct in that you will find a lot more pro tops than bottoms, simply for the safety factor. One place to find a lot of pro bottoms is in the dungeons, where everything is supervised and the women who work there feel somewhat safe. I did the pro-sub thing, BTW, about 12 years ago. Hated it.

  4. Erica- would that I were in LA back 12 years ago, I wish I coulda visited you at the dungeon and brightened up the darkness a bit. (at least enough light to illuminate your, uhm, "hoo-ha" nicely!)