Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Maybe I'm not a true spanko -turning down a request to be spanked
This is not one of those goofy posts where I insert a bunch of hot pictures. This is actually a serious question. At times I've thought it was hopeless searching for real life play partners, and despaired that I should give it up. Now is not one of those times. For whatever reason, I've had a few invitations lately. Maybe my (effectively) turning this lady down had something to do with that, but I'd like to think not. I'd like to think that I'd have had the same reaction even in the midst of a "spanking drought" and honestly, I think --despite my many character flaws-- that I would have. I hope so, at least.
Recently I began talking to someone who craved a disciplinarian to deal with her problems. She had many real and serious issues. She'd had a string of disciplinarians, the last of whom had ditched her, and she was desperately looking for a new one. She claimed that she needed discipline in her life, and from hearing her story, she did. Before meeting her, I told her I wanted her to write an essay on what issues she felt she needed to address. She did, and I read it. (Several times, as a matter of fact.)
My response to her was that although we might someday enjoy some spanking play, everything I read, and knowing her history... I felt that a spanking disciplinarian was the last thing she needed. She'd had several of those, and they hadn't done her much (if any) good. She was still dealing with the same issues. I told her that if she really wanted to address those issues, she should take some personal responsibility.
Maybe that was an excuse on my part. I wrote her a whole list of psycho-babble excuses....That a spanking disciplinarian wouldn't and couldn't be there every time she went to a convenience store, and that even though I'm no psychologist, I felt like she was shifting responsibility for her own actions onto her disciplinarian rather than taking responsibility for herself and her own actions. Further, that the golden rule didn't work unless you have the self esteem to love yourself first, and that played into the whole making smart decisions about yourself, and making smart decisions about yourself is independent from whether or not you get your bottom spanked. If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over-and-over again hoping for a different result, and she's seen multiple disciplinarians but still struggling with the same issues... maybe that's not the way to go in terms of addressing those issues.
I freely admit that on rare occasions I've spanked my children. Despite the "Love and Logic" seminars, I really think that spanking is sometimes the best way to discipline and teach young kids very important lessons. I haven't had a problems playing with electrical outlets, going out the front door without telling someone, playing with Daddy's tools in the garage, or even with minding when I count to three after one spanking. On the other hand, I'm not going to spank kids for hitting each other, and don't think I'd spank them again and again for the same problem. Along those lines, I'm not sure spanking is a great tool to deal with real adult issues, especially when spanking has been used in the past in an attempt to deal with it, but to no long-term effect.
Bottom line- I declined to spank someone that was asking for it for very real reasons. I'm far more comfortable spanking a surreptitiously kinky housewife that's had a secret, but unfulfilled interest in spanking than in being subject to a true disciplinarian. Maybe I'm not a true spanko, or maybe I'm just not comfortable wearing the mantle and accepting the responsibility of acting as a true disciplinarian. I struggled with it, and still think I made the right call, but I'm new enough to this that I'm willing to listen if folks think that I didn't. Just thought I'd share.I'd love to hear some feedback.
at 1:14 AM