Friday, April 20, 2012

Problems with spanking social sites

The idea of spanking personal ads has been around for a long time.  ShadowLane had a spanking personals site.  There are a few others with ambitions that have come and gone.  Most forums have a section for personal ads that's hardly ever visited.  However, there are a few sites worth mentioning, though they all have significant problems.

When you type spanko into google, the first entry you get is  It used to be called SIN a/k/a Spanking Internet Network -I think. (And yes, less than a week after a post complaining about the word "spanko" I'm using it in three times in the first two sentences of this paragraph I guess the word serves its purpose). is an all-encompassing site with a forum, and movies, and a great chatroom, and a social network aspect plus personal ads.  You could pay a premium for the ability to watch the movies, but I never did.  I have tons of movies downloaded over the years and just never cared about what they had on there enough to do so.  Never had much luck with their personal ads either, but did make some nice acquaintances, and the chatroom there is probably the best for spanking chat (and has been for a long time).  I liked to be able to chat with someone and be able to look up their profile.  Most people had a profile pic of some sort.  You could click on a link and see who had viewed your profile, which was pretty cool.  It could be a way of "flirting" without sending gay-ass "winks" to each other.

However, all that changed a couple of weeks ago.  Now you have to buy the $19.95/month subscription  in order to have your profile pic shown.  If you don't it looks like this:
 Yup, now it's just the site's logo.  Secret Spanko tip: If you're on one of these sites, it is (or was) possible to submit a profile pic that conveys (conveyed) lots of information without revealing your identity.  I had a snippet of a larger picture that showed me standing and looking away from the camera.  It revealed that I was relatively height/weight proportionate, my race, that I'm clean cut, and probably confirmed a little about my age and height too.

What's worse though, is that now the "who's viewed you" link, which used to show handles, the date they viewed you, and their profile pic if they had one, now shows this...
Yes, you have to become a premium member to see who's viewed you.  Not only that, but thanks to the software upgrade, all your old messages are lost.  Bummer.  I'll be spending a lot less time there.  They still have the popular chatroom, though.

Spankfinder has a completely different problem.  It's a more popular site in terms of number of people, and I truly salute them for what they did.  I had my first real-life spanking encounters as a result of meeting people on there.  But the site is totally free without ads, and can't really support itself.  The software is apparently pretty clunky, and the site is slow.  It doesn't have all the bells and whistles that you might expect for a social networking site  Although it appears that there were 25 new folks that joined last week, from my experience, the site has dwindling numbers, and the owners haven't really updated it in a few years.
However, based on the best I can glean, and not having first-hand knowledge of the situation, the folks behind spankfinder are trying a new model that they are updating and that does have all the bells and whistles.  It's a very reasonable membership fee, after the initial free 30 day trial, I think about $5/month.  I'd be willing to pay that, except... well, there's nobody there.  It would be throwing my money at a good concept, but one which would give me very little chance of succeeding in finding a play partner.  I'd be willing to pay that for a service of joining a site to meet people, but I'm not sure I'm willing to pay that just to invest in the hopes that someday it grows into the service that I'm hoping it might become.
The stats show there are over 1,000 members, with 79 new this month, but that's only about 1/6 of those on the old spankfinder site.  Based on usual odds, I'm guessing that represents about 250 women and 750 men.  Divided among geographic areas, your odds of finding a real life person to spank are pretty slim.  Also, my bet is that most of those are there for the free trial and will quickly disappear.  Unfortunately, I don't know what the answer is.  I'm not sure if it's technically feasible to transfer profiles from the older site to the newer one or something.  Again, I salute the owners for trying, but the result is a little frustrating.  Just thought I'd share- please let me know in the comments about your experience with these spanking personals sites.


  1. You're pretty much spot on with your observations of those sites. I have the same feelings about them. Fetlife is a good place to meet people and make friends but it's also a lot broader than just plain old spanking. BUT there is a huge spanko (yes your favorite word!) community there as well.

  2. Glad I'm not alone in those thoughts, playful little brat. And I agree that fetlife has a lot of positives. It also has some negatives, but I figure that's a whole 'nother post (or several).

  3. Thanks very much for your article.

    I have had many good chatfriends made in the irc rooms and later the javachatrooms. The high point was before the main chat site split into what became SIN and another now extinct site.

    SIN was going along fine, under various names, until they decided to change it from a chat and personal site to a lowest-common-denominator spanking pron site.

    I know at least 20 women who either dropped that place like a hot rock as a result, or who I had referred to the site from irc rooms, who were then horrified that I had sent them to a "pron site". They never got close to the chatroom because of the overall site.

    I do not blame them. Spanking erotica has its place, although some is much more tastefully done than others. And there are zillions of places around the internet to find it. What one cannot find is a place where people can chat and place personals without having feeling like they slunk past a bunch of sleazy men in porn movie booths to get past the front door.

    And worst of all, they now want everyone to pay for the bandwidth to run all those vulgar videos showing "sluts" having their "ass" spanked.

    I know I am not alone in feeling that way about it. Some guy keeps complaining about it on the site. And I agree with him.

    I just wish people would go back to the Undernet. Or that one of those other personal sites would finally take off. I haven't been to SIN in weeks. I always feel soiled when I go there any more.

    I would gladly pay a fee to have a nice community, but I have no interest in paying for other people to watch porn, which is what half of that stuff is.
    What's a girl to do?

    Have you seen this new one called Spanking Chat City? It is also a pay site, but seems more like Friendfinders or one of those places, but they do have a spanking room and some other rooms.

    1. You're right ....................... remember That was a good site.

  4. I haven't tried Spanking chat city, but maybe I should. Curios how many folks are on there. I couldn't agree more about not caring about videos when I'm looking for chat and personals, but guess I understand that nothing in life is free and to run a chat/personals site you need SOME form of revenue. Thanks for the comment.

  5. You are ignorant, im on the site and uploaded the picture for free. And then went to my profile and it was there, the page you are referring to is one that brings all users pictures together in one huge album. Your other site sucks btw

  6. Thank you very much!! You brought up great topics that id like to publicly address.

    First you can upload an avatar for free, i think you are just not very bright on doing so.

    Second, the flirts and whos viewed you page are like that because jerks like you harrass the hell out of all of the women on the site. If they looked at your profile and did not want to message you, there was a reason!! You do not need to go an message them and find out why and harrass them, i know about you already.

    Then you want to flirt them up, and if they dont respond, message them and complain.

    These are two great ways of keeping people like you from bothering the female spanko community. The women havent left the site, there are more there now and they love the new features that keep them from being bothered so much.

    I also made it so only VIP members can chat with new members for the first 4 days of their new membership, why? because YOU were looking at that page daily to bug them soon as they logged in.

    It wasnt just you, thousands of men do it. But you seem to get really irritated by it, and expect a lot for free. These are features set for two purposes, yes for support and to stop your harrassment!!

    Thank you for advertising my site here btw, you rock! and so does Spanko, since 1995.

    1. Well Sean you are overly protective of women who use your bias to be rude to men. Imagine Sean...when your avatar shows up on a man's profile unsolicited is because a lot of time there is a complaint. You are the only site which protects women and unconditionally accepts their complaints as real. Are you the one who contacts chatters as a woman? I doubt it but sometimes it seems you hate men. Most of us have to deal with rude people on your site. When they complain we affirmed our opinion you call it harassment. By the way stop sending me VIP are harassing me lol.

  7. Anonymous- yes, you can upload pics for free- you just couldn't see others pics without paying for it. not sure what other site you're referring to though.

    Sean- thanks for commenting on the blog. I usually love it when someone finds an old post to comment on. However... I think you're wrong on several counts. I'm plenty bright, I just liked it when everyone could see each other's avatars, rather than uploading them so only the premium members could see them.

    I liked the "who's viewed you" page before you made it inaccessible to all but premium members, though I'm pretty sure I never harassed anyone. I'm unaware that anyone I'd contacted on there was anything but receptive- though I didn;t spend nearly as much time there as on spankfinder. It was kind of amusing (and kind of scary) to see how many guys had viewed my profile. Speaking of which, I hadn't logged on since I posted this until today, but I did want to say thanks to your humorous (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt) message propositioning me.

    I never knew one could look up who had joined recently. But credit where it's due- you have a pretty cool chat room. (or did... it's been awhile).

    Not sure how if you'd heard of me harassing ladies you never mentioned it until someone (anonymous) found this blog post months after it was 1st posted.

    Finally, I'd advise against personal attacks on others in the spanking community. I've heard of you too, and chose not to mention any of your previous behavior in this post. My criticism of your site was fair and based on a consumer's perspective.

    So if people are still frequenting your site- good for them, and good for you. Keep on rockin' like you have since 1995. (er, well, don't take that as my encouragement to keep rocking like some of the things you've done in the past, but still... I wasn't going to mention that, right?)

    Hang in there.

  8. My expereince with SIN is its owner. Sean is a crook who made people pay for things that are available free elsewhere. When I called him on it, he told me he would refund my money but never did. When I pressed him, he started threatening me in a bizarre manner, saying things like "you don't know who you're dealing with..." Really? Avoid sin. We are still waiting for the "Amazon" of spanking sites. Takes the right person to do it.

  9. Whenever you call him out on anything (Sean), he gets really defensive. Instead of being a good person and listening like any normal person he calls you terrible names and calls you a liar. He then tells lies about you to make himself look good (even though 95% of the people on his site dislike him anyway they just don't say anything). People just keep going there because the chat site is good. I suppose you have to give him that. I can say honestly though, I think he's a terrible person. You (Secret Spanko) were just voicing thoughts and he resorts to personal insults. Nice.

  10. This page is still here ? :)

    Ok a crook that makes you pay for things that are free elsewhere. Where? if they are free there why isn't everyone there? And not on my site? like they are!??!

    Very strange and yes, lots of guys get kicked out of the site for being abusive to women or talking about kids or whatever it is. The anonymous posters are probably some of the same.

    And you can actually upload pictures and not have to pay to see them. As I said that was fixed immediately. If you cannot see pictures from your uploads you should contact me so we can see why. There is a Pro series of pictures you must upgrade to see, those are made by myself and are not uploaded by members.

    The who's viewed you page isn't mandatory for you to use the site, its a bonus for members who support the site now. And isn't a major deal. If it is for you, then id suggest you make some type of support, or login daily and use the points you get to see your who's viewed you page!

    Either way, this posting is to complain that you are using a site that has upgraded features, yet you do not want to support and think they are owed to you free. This will be my last posting as this blog isn't addressing anything of importance.

  11. Not important to you perhaps, but very important to people who are looking for real life connection and possible committed relationships, not cheap thrills, or in the case of your site, expensive but shallow thrills.

    You took what was the premier spanking personal ads and chatting site that appealed to all walks of like, and turned it into a place that alienates many individuals who would never want to be associated with a porn video site where self described sluts get their ass beaten.

  12. Sean is the scum of the earth, and 90% of his users know it. they just say in in PM's, for fear of him hearing and flipping his lid.

    He has chatrooms logged, so he knows when people say his name. Pretty paranoid, huh?

    He bans every guy on the site at the drop of a hat, and lets the girls of with dozens of slaps on the wrist, since he believes that someday, somehow, his white knighting will get him laid.

    godspeed, you dreamer you.

  13. I love these old posts that continue to remain relevant. It's surprising, and yet weirdly heart-warming. I know there are a lot of secret spankos out there, and I'm happy that they are finding this blog.

    Alas, I haven't visited spanko, or it's cool chatroom in awhile. To the anonymous posters- your complaints, varied though they are, sound sincere. Sean, I hope you're listening/reading some of these folks who commented on an old post. I'd ask that you please not ban the guys unless they've done something truly wrong, and of the misbehaving ladies- I can think of better places to slap them than on their wrists.

    I wish (yes dream maybe) that there were a perfect place for spankos to find each other. For now I'd recommend fetlife. It's sort of a more real-life scenario in that pure spankos are still in the minority, yet you can meet people, post pictures freely, and find out a lot about someone and what they're like before introducing yourself. It's less of a "meet-market" although there's plenty of meat on display, the sole purpose is not to meet/hook up. Although after getting to know someone a little bit, there's plenty of opportunities to do so.

  14. Sean seems like the scum of the Earth. I would avoid him and anything that has to do with him like the plague.

  15. Sean has run this site for years (it USED to be OK) and now he's a BIG porn internet site control freak. I dropped out because the site is full of VERY weird beings. Diaper fetishes, Pee and Scat, little children play, bizzare sex play, opposite sex imposters all over, people who are trying to get your phone, and a much greater abundance of same sex rooms and people. It should be called Sean's gay site.. I really think there are child predators in there as several times chats have lead to questions like how many kids do you have, how old are they, etc. Sean is looking for all kinds of pay for promotions that fuel his kink love. Often the site goes down, video's crawl or don't work, (some are absoltultey gross) any given day something changes at little Sean's whim. He has little man issues and cant be trusted. STAY away.


  17. I have had some dealings with Sean over the internet...............a very nasty man.

  18. has now blocked certain non-paying members in an attempt to force them to pay. I keep getting directed to a "fraud protection" page that says I have more than one account (which I don't) and the only way to fix this is to send money. So much for a "free site"! I'm going elsewhere to chat for free. NASTY SITE!

  19. Same experience for me... owner (Sean) is a jerk, rude to members, and desperate for money. Routinely blocks access to the site in an attempt to get members to pay more money. I would avoid buying a "lifetime" membership when it seems that the owner can't afford to keep it running. Seems like your "lifetime" membership could be a very short period of time if the owner is so desperate in his attempts to keep it running.

  20. I too have had dealing with Sean.......Never again!
    I set up a Domestic Discipline Network which is growing each day, Having been into DD over 20 years I felt a proper DD network was needed, Please take a look!

    1. website address now changed to http//

    Domestic Discipline site this is the best one for chats and real life connections and the membership is at a great price!!! come check it out

    1. New website address

  22. Sean freaked out when I asked why my account had been deactivated. He claimed I wasn't who I had said. I had actually met up with plenty of people on the site, who he knew, gave them THIER names and he said they didn't exist. Then he proceeded to send me all kinds of threatening emails when I cancelled my membership. Scary guy.

  23. Now that's chat is gone, what's left isn't worth visiting, much less joining. Too bad. And the chat that's replaced it doesn't work, and yes, the problem is Sean, Sean, Sean.

  24. http//

  25. Ive read all the blogs here and I thought, my God, its happened to others too, Im not the only one ! Yes Sean is a threatening body who has banned me because I had the nerve to tell him he was a nasty fellow. He also wanted me to upgrade or I would not see anything of the site. This rather irritated my wife who was also using the site under her own nick but Sean decided I was using two accounts.Ironically once you upgrade you can have as many accounts under different names as you want.. It seems its a tactic to get money out of you. When I called on it he became quite threatening , scarily so. Im just so happy to hear others are feeling like I do.
    I also have had people ask about our children, ages and are they spanked etc ..its all too common on there, too many creeps. Why arnt they flushed out and banned instead of regular spanko lovers like my wife and myself.Good work all who have complained.
    Its great there is a place to voice our distaste to bullies.

    1. Sorry to hear about that. This is one of my posts that continues (surprisingly) to be one of my most viewed posts of all time.

  26. I found this thread because I have a rare evening to myself available and so I tried logging in to a single gal with a large white booty, I have often visited the chat room there and managed to get myself a good warming :) and a few times even come away with a boyfriend out of the deal. I'm sorry to say that I have to agree with all the other comments here. The site and chat used to be fabulous, I have honestly met well over 20 men from there in 15 years. Now every time I log in, they want more money. This is beyond me upgrading to VIP and then still making another donation! So, I asked google to find me a new place to chat and happened upon your thread.
    Someone please open a spanking chat site, I don't need to look at silly pictures and videos, I can get smut anywhere, I just want to connect with other real people!

  27. Since years i went from time to time on chat room. Last week someone called "Moderator Sean" PM me and told me to immediately upgrade to a VIP account... I politely refused and since then I got the following message at login:
    "your account has been blocked by admin for breaking site rules"
    BtW Spanking Chat City is not bad, even with a free account. I dont regret spanko crap.

  28. I have been a VIP account holder on this site for years. The price for the VIP status changed on a daily basis, but I came in when it was only $75 which I thought was fair for unlimited lifetime access with the special goodies that come with VIPness. Recently Sean decided he needed more money so he announced that the VIPs have all agreed that $20 per year additional fees would be fair so now I can't use my lifetime membership unless I pay up. I've met up with over a dozen ex-users of this site that never heard about this polling, never agreed an annual fee was appropriate and also decided to walk rather than pay the extra.

    The random rules and the indiscriminate banning of members that he deems to be crooks and fakes have made it really hard to meet and stay friends with people on this site. Women I've met in person have been banned from the site because they were "obvious fakes" or the ever-popular "you have multiple accounts" crap.

    Don't give Sean any of your money - he'll just ask for more.

  29. I paid 50$ for a life time ,,, yet I just paid another 25$ for again a lifetime,,i was just told I need to pay another,,,what the fuck,,,you gotta rip people off,,no worries,,i know who you are and what you lok like,,now it's my ball,,,guess what when I find you,,you loose

  30. All true, used to be a good place to meet people. Sean is a complete douche!

  31. To the commenter from June 7, can add me to the list of long-time VIPs that was never polled about anything. I laughed the first time I saw that message, because it was pretty obvious that it was just a lame excuse.

    However, decent spanking personals sites are hard to come by, so after much consideration, I finally bit the bullet and paid the $20 last spring. Since then, I would estimate that roughly half the time when I have logged into the site, I've found the front page replaced by one page or another asking for more money. It wouldn't be THAT bad if it let you move past it and access the site (especially since you've already logged in and could be identified as someone whose had already paid for the current year) but it does not. Today's version of the Give Sean More Money Screen is accepting pre-payment for all of 2017 as well. Isn't that great?! <./sarcasm>

    Even when I can get on the site, the place feels more and more like a ghost town. I was never much of a chat person, but the personals section of the site used to be pretty good. I've had a fair amount of success over the years meeting naughty young ladies from there and spanking their misbehaving butts. But the site is a poor imitation of what it once was.

    For personals, I still miss the old That place was great, with its detailed profiles and extremely flexible search options. I don't know what moron owns that site, but they decided one day (not too long after I'd paid up for another year of membership, mind you) that the internet could use another spanking video review site, and now the place is a complete waste of cyberspace.

    But, I digress. Sean, I see that you've visited this article in the past, so on the slight chance that you happen by here again, I have a few things to tell you: 1) You had a great site back in the SiN days, and you ruined it. 2) You're a money-grubbing idiot. 3) You're never getting another dime from me, and whenever my membership runs out (or you decide to re-define my membership again at random) then I will be deleting the bookmark forever.

    Oh, and 4) I know a bit about web design, and you pretty much suck at it.

    I saw mentions of Spanking Chat City above, but it's just another entry in the family of sites like, and it's 293,874,013,556 clones, all of which cost way too much and appear to have roughly 12 live people actually using them. Maybe it's time for me to dust off those old web design skills and make something myself....

  32. Where I come from, LIfetime member means exactly that. You pay the fee and that's it. You shouldn't be held hostage on an annual basis for something you've already purchased. Period.

  33. And now he's blocking access with a demand for advance payment for 2017! He really has no shame.

  34. Yes I am aware of Sean. But let's keep perspective when and if the investigation is donr I doubt he is doing anything wrong. It's his domain...he is on his own rules. Now if it turned out he uses SIN for porn recruitment that would be wrong but probably legal. Sean always did what he thought was right. He claims he protects know he is going to slice you when he visits your profile. There are many women and men who simply enjoy calling people criminals but all that happen they got their feelings hurt.

  35. I stumbled across this blog, but have to agree with the vast majority of comments.
    When Sean pm'ed me and asked why i hadn't become a VIP and i explained i'm a member of various sites that do not require payment he became abusive and kicked me off. Nasty little man. Never again.