Sunday, June 17, 2012

Daddy Issues

Happy Father's Day.  Yes, I'll post a report from my first spanking party, but writing this ahead of time to be posted on Sunday, because it will be topical.  Sorry- no sexy pics in this post, just a real discussion.  

I've always had issues with the use of the term "Daddy" in spanking play.  It just was kind of weird for me.  Not sure whether it was because it conjured up images of a flawed relationship with my parents or whether it was because I think of spanking as sexual and that leads to implications of incest- which is taboo for a reason- because it's awful... but even if I hate spanko jargon, one bit of spanko jargon particularly fit my thinking about using the term "Daddy" to apply to a top... Squicky.  

I like to think I have a strong stomach and an open mind.  Everyone enjoys their hamburger a little differently, right? What appeals to others may not appeal to me, and what I like may be weird to others, and that's all okay, right?  But for some reason the "Daddy" thing just made me say "Ewww... No. Yuck!"

But I've gradually come around, at least a little bit.  I've had conversations with Kitty about this.  She calls her husband "Daddy" and has posted about it.  It's just natural to her.  I can kind of see that.  My wife and I call each other Mommy and Daddy around the kids. 

"Mommy, didn't I hear you say that they had to finish their chicken before they could have a popsicle?  So then why are you asking me?  Are you hoping for a better answer?  I sure hope that's not what you're doing."

"Mommy's about to go to her meeting with other mommies [a/k/a Bunko] so Daddy's going to give you your bath and make sure you brush your teeth... Aren't you Daddy?!"

You get the picture... It's often convenient to refer to each other that way, and sometimes we use "Mommy" or "Daddy" when speaking to each other if we're trying to invoke traditional roles.

"Daddy, isn't it time to take out the trash?"

"No, I didn't remember that the school musical was on Tuesday night, but that's why I'm so grateful that Mommy keeps a calendar of those things!"

As a slightly related aside- one of the unspoken benefits of children is that it does away with any and all awkwardness as to how to address the in-laws.  When I met her dad, he was Mr. Jones.  When we married, he said it was okay to finally call him Bill or Dad.  But that felt weird either way, and I was in the habit of calling him Mr. Jones anyway.  Suddenly, with the advent of kids, it was okay to call him "Pappa" just as our kids did.

Anyway- back to spanking and "Daddy"... So after those conversations with Kitty, I could sort of understand, though I still felt it was a little weird.  My wife and I don't call each other "Mommy" and Daddy" when we're doing it vanilla style, but I guess I could kind of understand.  Still, I felt ageplay was, well... weird, and certainly not my thing.

But the last lady I spanked- and it was a great spanking play session- finally changed that.  As we were decompressing, debriefing, and rehashing, she said she almost called me "daddy" at one point and asked if that would have freaked me out.  

"Yes." I responded honestly.  

That was clearly the wrong answer judging by her face, but it led to a discussions of how she lost her father at a young age, admittedly had "Daddy issues" and that it wasn't an incestuous thing because she just didn't ever have a Daddy or a strong male in her life growing up and that was something that probably led her into the whole spanking thing.  Then she sort of lectured me on how I shouldn't judge those into ageplay.  My heart melted and at the end I wanted to take back the spanking and just hold her.  I got it.    

Not everyone likes their hamburger the same way, but I won't be judgmental toward those who want to call their spanker "Daddy" again.  Just thought I'd share.


  1. We refer to ourselves as Mum and Daddy when talking to the dogs ("Go see Mum. I'm reading the paper." "Come here and leave Daddy alone.) but I wouldn't dream of calling Ron "Daddy" in any other circumstance. He wouldn't like it, and I think it has a certain squick factor.


  2. Interesting post. Thanks for the share.

    “Daddy” doesn’t necessarily squick me, but I’ve never said it. I’d probably be more likely to call a woman Mommy though I haven’t done that either. In my mind now the incest question hovers too close for comfort around ageplay. But growing up I knew more than one family where girls into their late teens were put bare bottomed over their Dad’s knee and spanked in front of the rest of the family and any neighborhood kids lucky enough to be around. We all had an absolute bloodlust for seeing somebody else get it, too.

    And one day there would be the solemn and momentous announcement by the younger sibling: “Daddy says [older sister]’s too big to be spanked in front of us any more. He took her in her room.” Which sounds even worse as far as incestuous goes. Now he’s taking her off alone?

    Never occurred to us at the time. Anymore than an 11 year old spanko like me could have articulated the sexual rush. A lot of us felt it. Scenarios of boys and girls being spanked bare bottomed or naked by their parents are a staple of spanking erotica. Because it happened and certainly people my age remember our reaction to it.

    I can understand someone using “Daddy” for any number of reasons, as you say. I can understand you not wanting to hear it. Just like with anything else it all needs to be clear and clearly understood. We don’t want any buzzkills lurking for surprise attacks.

    Happy Father’s Day, bro.

  3. Thank you for the link to my blog! Of course you know I don't think of Daddy as my father. It just works out well to call him that for my blog and it is just something I'm comfortable with.

    I can understand how some would be uncomfortable with that, but it works for us. Especially in this lifestyle, I would never judge what works for someone else and I hope people won't judge what works for me:)!


  4. May I play Devil's Advocate for a moment? (why do I bother asking? I'm going to do it anyway.) :-)

    I may be splitting hairs, but I think there is a difference between being personally squicked by something, and judging it. To me, judging another for doing (whatever) is saying, in essence, "You're WRONG to like that." Whereas being squicked is more like, "I have no problem if YOU like this or that, but there's no way I can do it."

    I have never been comfortable with the Daddy/daughter spanking fantasy, because to me, spanking is sexual, even if sex isn't involved. I don't believe in spanking children and I don't wish to pretend that I am a child, or that the man spanking me is a paternal figure. HOWEVER, that is strictly for me, and me alone. I'm not telling anyone else that they shouldn't enjoy this variation.

    I do think we have the right to not like something and think, for us personally, it would be weird. As long as we're not telling others what to do, we're allowed our own preferences and dislikes.

  5. Thanks ladies. All your comments are appreciated. And I'm with you all. It's certainly not how I'd order my hamburger- but I don't want to condemn someone for ordering theirs a bit differently than I'd order mine.

    Hermione- I'm with you- and higs back.

    Emen- wow- that would have sent me off the charts as a fledgling spanko to have heard that, even if, and you're right, it is creepy.

    Kitty- you're so very welcome, and thank you for being so honest and open about your life.

    Erica- you're right- maybe this is just me moving from "you're wrong to like that" to being accepting of it even if it's not for me. But that's a decent sized step for me, at least.