Wednesday, June 27, 2012

note to my readers, and then let's talk about switching some more...

My dear friend Erica recently posted something on her blog about how one doesn't need to switch to be a better spanker or spankee. (okay maybe it wasn't all that recent but I've been bad about updating since the TASSP- kind of hard to top that in my spanking journey so far.)  In that post, she quoted me (quoting some one else) as saying that male tops who had never seen whether they could take a spanking were, well...pussies.  I commented on that post, but had some more thoughts on switching that I wanted to share.

Before I begin though, I want to reiterate a very good point Erica made.  What I say on my blog- it's just my opinion.  I'm no expert.  What I say is based on my somewhat limited experience in exploring this spanking fetish.  Erica has been around and actively participating in both the industry aspects and the scene for far longer than I have, and her words carry a lot of weight.  I've joked with her before about how she has "gravitas" within the spanking community.  And she's purposely said, basically, "Hey, this is just my opinion." take it for what it is.  I want to do the same.  I have no delusions of grandeur, and might risk making the few industry insiders and experienced players who read my blog laughing at me when I say this, but... I know my words carry some weight too.  And so I want to be careful.  I'm blessed with a few loyal commentators, and there are probably several bloggers who check out what I have to say, but the numbers don't lie- (except for those generated by weird sites linking to this from Russia!) most of the people reading this are probably other secret spankos.  Maybe you've been fascinated with spanking all your life and have done nothing more than consume spanking writings and erotica or movies.  Maybe you've ventured out and met a couple of people but were scared to death, or it wasn't a great experience, and you're wondering if you should continue.  To those folks, I'd say yes!  But again, this is just my opinion, and I'm no different than you. Except that, well... I'm the dumbass who decided to start a blog about being a secret spanko.  

Now with that out of the way, let's turn toward my thoughts on switching.  

I'd say, at this point, I'm 90% top.  Minus ten points because I'm not comfortable with strictly disciplinary spankings to correct behavioral problems that I think are a matter of personal responsibility, and minus 10% because on occasion, I actually got something out of being a bottom. As long as it's with the right person, it can be like a relaxing massage coupled with a painful adrenaline-inducing roller coaster ride all in one.  But it's just not me.  I've fantasized virtually my whole life about spanking women, not getting spanked by them.  I don't do well with authority, and well... spanking women turns me on.  That's not the case when I'm on the receiving end.
but this is probably not happening anytime soon
One doesn't NEED to have switched to be a good spanker, but I think it can only help.  At least I know it has helped me.  Erica mentioned someone else's quote about how a great surgeon doesn't need to have undergone multiple surgeries to be a good surgeon. And even acknowledging that every analogy can be picked apart... with all due respect, that's a terrible analogy.  One's asleep during surgery.  But I can guarantee one's not asleep going to get a spanking.  Perhaps a more apt analogy is this-  a surgeon doesn't need to have gone through multiple surgeries to be a better surgeon, but if they'd endured a couple of hospital stays complete with gown and tubes and catheters and wires and hospital food and insurance headaches and "I need y'all y'all to leave the room, it time for his shot." well, maybe he wouldn't suddenly become a better surgeon, but it might help with his empathy and bedside manner regarding what his patients are going through.

In the same way, there's more to a spanking than testing how an implement feels on your bottom. The nervous/scared car ride there, the surrendering of control, the allowing someone else to take down your pants and underwear, not to mention afterwards, when feelings get complicated.  I think it helps to have experienced it.  But that's not to discount the, uhm impact it has to know what implements feel like, what they're going through, and know that you can take what you dish out.  

Personally, I picked up some great techniques from a terrific spanker too.  No part of me regrets switching.  I'm glad I did it.  I'm proud I did it, and not ashamed to admit it.  I love Pandora's ideas for kinky merit badges and wish there was a kinky merit badge for a top switching.

But I think some people are ashamed of it, or just afraid to admit it.  I've been spanked by and then spanked two ladies who made me promise that I wouldn't reveal that I've spanked them.  (And for those that pay close attention to my blog, I realize that the only ladies I've referenced as spanking me are Dana Kane and Pandora. I'm not referring to them.  There's a reason I don't kiss and tell about my spanking adventures on my blog.)  I've also heard from more than on professional spanker that many tops have come to see them in the past and then sworn them to secrecy when they met at spanking parties in the future.  They don't want to admit that they've switched.  I really don't get this, and it annoys me.  Actually, I do get it, but I wish particularly that male tops would overcome it.  They think it's not manly to have submitted to a woman spanking them.  Fine.  You continue to think that.  Honestly, that's part of the reason why I quoted my friend about how male tops that hadn't experienced it are pussies- part of me wants to challenge that thinking.  

I think denying that you've switched is sort of similar to homophobia.  (delving into really controversial stuff now!) Look, I'm comfortable admitting that some guy is good looking.  Doesn't mean I'm gay.  It means I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality and masculinity to admit it.  It annoys me when people deny that they've switched.  It doesn't mean that you're less  dominant- in fact, it means that you're comfortable enough with yourself, and confident enough with yourself to admit that you've had experiences that likely made you a better top.  That's not so difficult to comprehend, right? 

Finally, a special thanks to another secret spanko fan who reached out to me.  You motivated me to (finally) blog again.  But after this deep discussion, this post needs some more hot switching pics, so here you go...
courtesy http://sorebottom-annika.blogspot.com


courtesy http://voiceinthecorner.com/2011/10/15/rustic-intuition/

next 3 courtesy http://corporalpunishmentblog.com



courtesy domestic discipline digest



16 comments:

  1. An excellent post, as always, Mr. Marks. Food for thought.

    Dana

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    1. Glad you liked it, Dana. You played a big part in that post.

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  2. Wow. Great post. I love switches. There's so many different kinds and they all feel different depending on what they're cut from and how they're cut and whether you leave nubs and in the spring we have flowering privet that you leave all the blossoms and leaves on and it builds this tremendous sting and won't mark, you can get it all over the backs of your legs, this is such a great subject.

    And I think you said something about being gay? That's okay. Welcome back!

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    1. Emen- I think I distinctly said that that DIDN'T make me gay... (obligatory "not-that-there's-anything-wrong-with-that") but... I'll deal with you and your bratty mouth here soon.

      ;)

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  3. I think there is a double standard that we spankos haven't gotten rid of yet. It seems more acceptable for a woman to be a switch than for a man. It's ridiculous. I think a guy who can be a switch is just as manly as any other man. Of course, not everyone is into being a switch and that is ok, too. The thing I don't like is those who are not switches looking down on those who are.

    In another vein, a top who comes up to a bottom and says they are going to break them is not manly. That top is acting like a jerk and is not worthy to be played with. Most likely, those types of tops are the ones who think switches are the mamby-pamby types.

    Keep posting. I check your blog daily to see what you have next.

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    1. Thank you, Bobbie Jo. I think there's a lot of truth to what you say.

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  4. I will stay with taking a switch to a deserving female if required, no need to know what it feels like to experince any pain factor. I have endured plenty of physical pain due to circumstances and situations during my life and not through choice. So each to their own is my belief and i fully respect their choice but trying to switch is certainly not for me.
    Regards Correction Man.

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    1. It's not for everyone, Correction Man. It was helpful for me. On the other hand, we each bring life experiences to the table, and I'm sure yours help you as well.

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  5. Thank you for the kind shout-out. I like this "point/counterpoint" thing we have going on! (as long as you don't call me an ignorant slut. I would really resent being called ignorant) :-)

    All good points, and I do like your version of the surgeon analogy better! As for men who deny they are switches, I can understand why some of them do so. Bobbie Jo is absolutely right -- there is a double standard, and female switches seem to be more readily accepted than males. Some female bottoms refuse to play with men who switch. It doesn't matter if they don't SEE it -- they don't even want to IMAGINE it. So a male switch may find himself in an uncomfortable quandary, one in which being completely open about his switch orientation may cut down on his play opportunities. I'm not saying it's right or fair; it is what it is.

    My main point was not so much whether or not switching makes for a better bottom or top -- we could debate that until doomsday and it will never be resolved. It was simply that for those who claim "switching is necessary" as an absolute, you may very well be scaring off some newbies with that edict. Bringing us around to both our points: state opinions as opinions, not as fact.

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    1. I like our point/counterpoint too. What's our next topic? And doubt that we'll agree on much, but I do kinda sorta like you and respect what you have to say.

      I think the quandary you mention is real and accurate. Guess it's funny/ironic that as a secret spanko like me who's obviously keeping secrets and hiding things feels so passionately about being open about some things.

      P.S. the "ignorant slut" comment- it has to be included on the Erica doll!

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  6. Great post and solid topic. As a fellow secret spanker I agree with your comment on life experiences. It is my opinion that the more life experiences one has the better they are for it. Whether the experience turns out to be good, bad or indifferent it will help shape who you are and who you will become. It also will likely help you relate to many others. Note relating is not the same as agreeing but in the end one will likely respectfully be able to agree to disagree!

    Personally I fall into the camp of tried it, realized I am closer to 95% top but I'm glad I had the experience.

    Glad to see you posting again!



    In my opinion

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  7. thanks phxspanker- right there with you.

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  8. Thanks a lot for the thought-fodder, Secret Spanko! As you have already noticed, I have written a post on the subject, too, and referred to your post because I can relate to many of the things which you have said here.

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  9. You're very welcome Kaelah. I enjoyed reading your well thought out post one the topic, and really appreciate you mentioning me as part of the inspiration for the post.

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  10. I commented at length on Erica's post and you have said what I wanted to say in a more eloquent way.

    My own personal view is that a Top should have been a bottom on at least one occasion, to at least feel some of what the bottom feels.

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  11. thanks Long Bean,I know that some tops can be good tops without it, but I agree that it helps.

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