Thursday, July 26, 2012

“You’re a Spanking Story Slut” guest post by Emen

Can’t argue with that. Stories are a big part of the Secret Spanko arsenal. Gotta keep yourself alive. The world is not crawling with appropriate matches free to spank you or be spanked by you. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try, they’re out there if you’re willing to look. But the lovely stories are the lovely bones of our existence. Told through video, audio, print, online, the stories shape our culture and our language just like any other. Do you remember the first one you read?

Do you write stories? SS has done here, I have here.

You don’t have to write stories. Some of the best fun you can have online is to find a playmate you can “story” with through email or whatever suits you. I’ve been so lucky to find more than one. Sometimes we exchange finished stories. Even though something might have been posted already, it’s special when someone picks it out just for you.

But my favorite is to story back and forth. Sometimes one of us writes an entire scene and the other one comments back or writes an alternate scene. Sometimes we write it together, sending pieces at a time, building it together. It’s very fast and raw and you don’t worry about spelling or anything, you just see who can make the other the hottest.

I’ll give an example. This is how I might start a story:

“I still can’t stop thinking about you spanking my breasts. No surprise I’m sure, this is the second time I’ve mentioned it. But I need help with my fantasy. It makes me so hot I can’t think. I get the first images in my mind and I’m gone.
I think about how you said you’d lay me out. I feel very exposed like this. Your face is so close to my face, I can’t hide. You’ve already checked how wet I am so you know to start slowly. But still with the second slight slap I jerk my leg up and hit the back of your arm withmy knee. 
‘Ow! Come on now,’ you say, ‘you can’t be doing that. Are you going to be able to not do that?’
‘No. Yes. I don’t know,’ I say. 
You kiss and suck a bit, then start again with the tiny slaps. I don’t last 30 seconds. Both legs jerk up and my kneecap slams the back of your elbow.
‘OW!’ we both say.
What happens next?”

The particular person I’d write that to, or I guess I just did write it to, is very very good at this and he might not come back the way you’d expect. That’s fun.

I found all these playmates through blogs. Some are bloggers, others commenters. It’s a great place to start if you’re new. Read the posts,read the comments, make your own comments. People are friendly if you are, and they won’t judge. Teach yourself the language, learn how to talk to other spankos. You never know what can happen. I’m not new to spanking but I’ve been online less than a year. The possibilities are out there, and everyone needs something to look forward to.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Spanking in a Van Down by the River

Livin in a Van Down by the River, that vintage Chris Farley SNL skit, still makes me laugh.

Secret Spankos have to be able to laugh. The time is always limited, every meeting has to count, it’s the most important thing there is and the core of your unending fantasies. But we’re human and it’s life and things can get screwy.

We spank in a van down by the lake sometimes. It’s beautiful there, a fishing spot, but with a large parking lot. People keep their vehicles well spaced and no one ever approaches any one else. M’s van has darkened windows.

M is my top. She’s a talented, creative, resourceful top but she can’t do much about the fact that she lives in a nice house with her non-spanky wife and I live in a nice house with my non-spanky husband but for their own reasons neither of our spouses leave the houses very often, so she and I don’t get to use the houses for our play.
We make do.

I had decided I couldn’t live much longer without being spanked with the short cane in the diaper position. Doesn’t that sound full of shivery possibilities? Here’s some of the logistics before the shivering can start.

We needed the van folded down flat in the back and to do that you have to take the two backest seats out, which M can’t do by herself. So she had to think up a story to tell her neighbor when she asked for help,
and be sure that story would work on her wife who has been known to wander into the garage occasionally in search of the van.

I would bring the short cane and make sure to take it back with me.  It’s the only implement we have that isn’t an ordinary household item, because as SS himself has alluded to a couple of times, you can explain a hairbrush in your car. You can explain a wooden spoon or a
belt. You can’t explain a cane. You don’t want to have to be trying to do that.

And then the juggling of schedules and setting the time to meet and resetting the time to meet. But at last the day arrives and it’s perfect, beautiful outside and M picks me up at the bottom of my driveway where I am waiting, twirling my cane.

We drive to our spot, no one in the parking lot, I can make a little noise. Yeah! She gets out and goes around but I dive between the front seats and splay myself on our flat floor. Not a lot of time for ceremony. She bares my bottom and says “lift your legs” like she needed to tell me. I can feel that white heat across the tops of my thighs, that’s where she’ll start, I’ve been feeling it in my dreams for a week.
I feel a bad pain. Not a good cane pain. A pain that shoots from my left hip up under my shoulder blade. I say a bad “ow.” M says, “that was not a good ow.”

“I can do it,” I tell her, “give me a second.” But though she has folded a comforter under my hips no matter where I position my legs or my hands holding them, that niggling hip pain keeps warning of much worse pain to come.

I’m so disappointed. M says let’s try this. She turns slightly so I can brace my legs against the side of her back. But after a few exploratory strokes I can tell it’s too much pressure on her left leg sitting like that and it’s awkward trying to get a good swing. She tries holding my ankles with her left hand but though she has good upper body strength when I jerk I’m tipping her off balance. Nothing works. Canus interruptus. It’s the worst.

“It’s okay,” M says, “it’s alright, roll over.” She lays on her side beside me and spanks me with her hand, stopping to finger me gently, then spanking again. It’s not for orgasm it’s to make me relax and I do. “You gotta laugh,” she says.

And you do.  Even when the hottest thing you thought you could imagine turns into "Lucy and Ethel Attempt Diaper in a Van."

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Guest Post by Emen -I Know I Need To Be Spanked

I know that now. I went without it for a long time, although the hunger never left me and it was always the core of my fantasies. Then just a little short of a year ago I woke up and realized how much I needed to be spanked. How much I needed the submission to the hand and the roaring in the blood with every blow. And I realized I had to do it in secret.

I’m a Secret Spanko. Are you? Is that why you’re reading? I married vanilla for many good reasons that I don’t regret. Thinking I could live without the kink, that that wasn’t all there was to me. And it isn't, it just happens to be one of the best things there is to me.

There’s no approaching This Thing with my husband. It would only confuse and hurt him. I respect that. And now I respect that it makes me whole. It makes me much better able to deal with life. It makes me happy and horny and once again capable of the rocking orgasms I used to have when I was free to live my kink. It calms me, it soothes me, it makes me insane with desire, it gives me hope and something to look forward to. And it has brought the most amazing people into my life.
So I do it. In secret.

How about you? Which do you crave? Dream about, anticipate? Do you get the wetness between your legs, the tremor in your cock, about being bared and bent and shaking, waiting, every sense so heightened that the smallest sound is painful to your ears the way the strap, the brush, the cane, the hardest hand will pain your helpless flesh?

Or do you dream of cool command? The careful calculations. The finest shadings to your dominance, guided by all your experience, the physical stamina and the mentality of a born gambler. Willing to take the responsibility, shoulder the trust, risk it all on this crazy crapshoot that you can create reality.

Do you dream it? Do you do it? Secretly? It can be hard sometimes. It can be ridiculous sometimes, the things you have to go through.

I know I need to be spanked. And I will be soon. But while we wait, can you tell me about you?

credit to

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Ideally, I'd prefer to spank strong women

I wanted to continue a multi-blog discussion that was going on before my little break. I wanted to build off of something Kaelah said in her post  about switching, which was a follow up to my post about switching, which was a follow up to Erica's post about how you don't have to have switched to be a good spanker or spankee. Erica's post was inspired, in part, by my post where I quoted someone anonymously as saying "tops who haven't at least tried switching are pussies."

I enjoyed the back-and-forth and difference of opinions, and everyone (even in the comments) was polite and contributed to an intelligent discussion.  Don't worry though, this isn't yet another post about switching. At least not entirely.

Kaelah said something in her post that really struck me as accurately echoing some of my thoughts.
She said: "When it comes to topping, I have to admit that topping a person who is predominantly a top has a special attraction for me as well. ...[snip]... giving him- or herself into my hands feels like an even greater gift of trust from someone who isn't predominantly into bottoming and for whom it might be even harder to submit him- or herself to another person."

Totally agree with that statement. Yes, I find it very sexy to spank someone that's a switch, or even primarily a top.  I've only been able to do so a few times, and I'm pretty sure that even that is not at all common.

However, I think there's a little more to it than just that for me. It's not just about switching. The same concept can be applied more broadly as far as my preferences in spanking.   As a secret spanko you don't always get to be picky in finding ladies that want to meet to play in real life.  But if I had my 'druthers...  I'm not as into submissive women as you might expect.  Having said that though, the concept of the stronger the person, the greater their gift of submission really appeals to me.

If I had my preference, I'd prefer spanking strong women.  And by "strong woman" I don't mean a body builder.
not so much


Her "strength" can come in a variety of ways. I'm just using "strong" because not sure how to say it better. I've compared spanking to fishing before, and its better to catch a big fish but sometimes more fun to catch one with a lot of fight in it. Okay, that probably doesn't help explain what I'm trying to say either.  (And no offense to bigger women meant!)  Maybe some examples would help.

Here's what I mean by that... Maybe their strength comes from their position or reputation. One of the last secret spankos I met, in our phone conversations prior to setting up our date, said at one point, "hang on, let me shut the office door." She was a successful professional, and assertive in her real life, and the fact that someone like that wanted a spanking from me gave me an extra tingle thinking about it. Christina Hendricks in Mad Men sort of personifies that to me.  She's the boss of the office staff.  Not on the level of the partners (well, until the end of this season!) but she's certainly stronger than any receptionist or phone operator, and well, in my fantasy, I'd far prefer to give her a spanking (and not just because of her boobs) than give a spanking to one of the ladies she supervises, even if the younger more naive ladies she supervises are plenty hot too.  Make sense now?

Maybe their strength comes from the fact that they're older than me. No secret that I think spanking an older woman is really appealing. There's something a little more out of the ordinary and special about a younger guy spanking an older woman- again, the gift of submission is just a little bit greater.  I've shared some hot emails with Emen (my guest host - she'll be running the blog next week by the way) and the fact that she's older than I am and thinks that's sexy adds to it.

Maybe she's not only older than I am, not only a great writer, not only has a rapier wit that would keep a top on his toes, but also a highly respected member of the community with "gravitas" - Gee, wonder who I'm thinking about?  Her credentials adds a little zest to the thought of me spanking her.

Maybe it's that she has a reputation as one who relishes injuring the hands of her spankers with her famously iron-like butt.  It wouldn't have meant as much to me for her to open up if she didn't have that hard tough-girl exterior.  Gee, wonder who I'm thinking about?

In the same vein, I really like tall women.  Maybe it's that it's a bigger deal for them to bend over.  Having met Amelia Jane Rutherford, I can see why she might be intimidating to some men.  She's as tall as I am, and beautiful.  Not too many ladies am I around that make me think of the bald spot on top of my head, but if she were in heels, she'd probably see it.  But I really like to see tall ladies bent over.  And it's been a few paragraphs without pictures, so here goes.

Sarah of SpankingSarah is tall too. notice how her butt is almost at his chest level when she's bent over? 

you can see from this pic that's she's taller than he is, but bending over  for an accomplished spanker.

Another of SpankingSarah showing the height difference that I think makes it just a little bit hotter.

Like I said, maybe I like it because tall ladies just have further to bend over.

Anyway, I like to think about and to actually spank ladies that aren't your stereotypical submissive, but I think it's because the fact that thinking about and/or actually getting to spank someone that's a not so typically submissive carries more weight when they actually do.  I hope that made sense.

As I mentioned before, I'll be gone for a week or so starting next week, but Emen has graciously agreed for me to post some of her wonderful writing again.  I hope y'all enjoy it as much as I have. (I've gotten a sneak peak!)  Adios, for now.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

So you were spanked as a kid... you're not destined for a life of mental illness, despite what some recent study said!

No fun illustrations with this one.  I don't spend ALL my time on the internet reading spanking blogs, on fetlife, and watching spanking videos.  I spend the quiet time after the kids go to sleep or (now in the summer) before they wake up reading the news too.  I look at my local paper, the top stories on yahoo,, check out, and a couple of  college sports fans message boards.  (if anyone is interested in the most hilarious Aggie thread ever, let me know.)  I also check out several national media sites. The New York Times for the headlines (they have this annoying you can only read 10 articles a month for free thing, but their headlines usually are 1st with a story, followed by lots of stories elsewhere that pick up on it) the Washington Post, Fox News, the Atlantic, Slate, check stocks, and a couple of esoteric blogs.

As I've mentioned before, Slate seems to run far more than it's fair share of articles about spanking. No   seriously,    there    are    many    articles   on spanking   there. (and after a brief search, I couldn't even find the series of articles I read on there about Sweden and how that nation banned spanking of children.)

But this recent article caught my eye. It claims that a new study shows that spanking as a child is more prevalent in those experiencing mental illness as adults, based on a recent study.  That study was all over the news.   I've made no secret of the fact that I was spanked as a child.  I was even paddled as a late teen in a scene that is still haunting for me to think about despite the fact that the roles of authority are now completely reversed.  Nor have I denied the fact that I've spanked my boys on rare occasions (both of whom are less than 7 years old) and I think that based on my experience, it's an effective disciplinary method for boys that age.  (My sons have never gone out the front door again without asking permission, never again played with electrical sockets, and counting 1... 2... actually means something.)

But it troubles me.  I hate that maybe I've resorted to barbaric practices, and (just being honest here) given my sexual interests in adult spanking, I'm even more reluctant to employ that method of discipline.  I worry that I was scarred by being spanked, and that's what led to my adult interest in it, and I certainly don't wish that upon my little boys.  Which brings up the uncomfortable subject of... am I weird and flawed because I like spankings? That study everyone was talking about recently kind of points in that direction.

That's one reason why I absolutely loved the follow-up article in Slate this week.  The author of the follow up article found that there was no causal link provided in the study I mentioned before (that everyone's    talking    about).  First of all, the study wasn't directly related to spanking, but included shoving, slapping, and hitting of children by their parents.  Second, the author points out other studies showing a link between the far more accepted practices of grounding, time-out, and psychotherapy.  That study concluded the more one received any of those as a child, the more likely one is to have mental health issues as an adult, and not only that, but how those correlations are stronger than those between being spanked and mental issues later in life.  In essence, the more troubled a kid you are, the more likely your parents were to deploy a variety of disciplinary techniques in an attempt to control you.  That's the causal link missing between studies that conclude there's a correlation between being spanked as a kid and mental health issues later in life.  In that I can take comfort.

And by the way, the best example of a lack of a causal link that I've used in a professional setting: "Masturbation makes you go blind." is the old saying  After all, all blind people have masturbated, right?

By the way, as you might have noticed, the blog roll was getting long, so I now have a third column added on the left.  Hope y'all like the new layout.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Spanking fiction in the sort-of mainstream. No, not 50 Shades... Literotica

Alright, so everyone in hates 50 Shades of Grey.  That's the impression I get from those in the spanking community.  Erica pointed out a blog with a series of scathing reviews of each chapter. I read a few of them, and did chuckle.  I get it.  Within the spanking community we're sensitive to stereotypes and negative portrayals when this spanking thing we do is exposed to a wider audience.  I get that.  I hated the movie Secretary when I finally watched it.

But twenty million people bought one of the three Shades of Gray books. It's become a phenomenon not just within the spanking community, but among the general public.  Here's a recent CNN article on it, and then there's this...

Here's my take on it: sure maybe the writing sucks, and it's silly, and chock full of stereotypes, but a lot of ladies that might not have been exposed to the joys of erotic kinky sex are now... well, at least enjoying reading about it, but hopefully might want to live out some of those fantasies in real life.  I think that's a good thing.  The first spanking stories I read on the internet jump-started an interest that was always there.  However, looking back, a lot of those early stories I read were awful.

Speaking of spanking stories in the (sort-of) mainstream... is, I'm pretty sure, the largest website for sexy stories around.  It dwarfs anything spanking related on the internet in both size and readership.  There are a lot of good sexy stories, and there are a lot of awful ones too.  Every day they approve about 50 new stories.  The stories are categorized (group sex, romance, bdsm, exhibition/yoyeur, incest, nonconsent, lesbian, gay, sci-fi, and many more) so you can find (or avoid!) stories based on your interests.  There's not a spanking category, but you can look up stories based on their "tags" of subject matter.  Under the spanking tag there are over 4,500 stories.  Now, not all of these are stories primarily about spanking. But there are some good ones in there.  Caligula took down his webpage with illustrated versions of his spanking novels, but his stories live on Literotica.  I also recommend TruthandLove's stories.  A couple of other authors with a focus on spanking I saw just from a quick review of the first couple of pages under the spanking tag... PolyVoyeur and Totzman.  These folks are likely unknown to most in the spanking community, but their stuff is read by many who are into "mainstream" smutty stories.  Just thought I'd share.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

everyone has a clips store/the state of spanking videos

In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell talks about how one needs to spend about 10,000 hours doing something to become an expert at it.  When it comes to watching spanking videos, sadly, I might be close.  I've been doing it for awhile.  Spanking videos have changed a great deal since I started watching them.  I remember when they were so tiny they would fit on a floppy disk. (remember those?)  Even way back then  I was a secret spanko.  I'd use my roommate's computer- we only had one phone line connected to the internet- and surreptitiously download the movies onto my floppy disk and watch them later on my computer, late at night.  In the very very beginning, they were free.  But I subscribed first to realspankings  and then firmhand.

Recently I changed computers, and in the process, I came across a treasure trove of old stuff I'd hidden deep within the bowels of the hard drive.  My even older hard drive couldn't even connect to my new computer.  The earliest video I could find was this:

A Firmhand video from 2002 with Catherine Corbett. (what ever happened to her?)  If you have a problem squinting to see the information in the title, she got 18 swats with the slipper over her gym shorts in this little update.  That little rectangle in the middle of the screen is the size of the movie.

Once upon a time, when I contemplated starting a blog, I figured that the primary way I could contribute to the spanking community was by serving as an informed but opinionated consumer advocate regarding spanking videos.  Up until a few years ago, the only expression of my interest in spanking was in buying subscriptions to spanking movie sites and watching them over and over and over.  (Well, I also read a lot of spanking stories too, I guess, but still.)

I decided that I wanted to write reviews of sites, and gave myself criteria for those reviews:

1. They should be small relatively unknown sites that could use the publicity, not the big mega sites everyone knows.
2. I'd pay for the subscriptions myself, so I could be objective and free to say what I really felt.
3. I wouldn't review a site with someone I had gotten to know online before I wrote the review, because again, it would be hard to be critical or objective.

I've reviewed a few sites: Dreams of Spanking, Girls Spanked Hard, Sarah Gregory Spanking and Spanking Sarah. And since the blog started I've subscribed to several more, that I just didn't get around to reviewing for one reason or another.
Spanking Court- no review for #3 above
Spanking Bare Butts- this one greatly amused me, at least the videos of the main guy, his accent, and his girlfriend, Bryanna. Telling your girlfriend you were "going to spank her hams" can only be pulled off with an accent like that.  Unfortunately there were several scenes not involving them that I liked less, and just couldn't ever decide how to to write the review. (incidently, this is the number 1 store at The Spanking Library)
Marked Butts- I wanted to like this one.  It had a very home-made authentic feel to it, but I don't know, something about it just didn't inspire me quite as much as the ones I did review, and never got around to it.
Real-Life-Spankings - pretty much the same as above.  Just didn't inspire me.
But sadly, there aren't too many pay sites that fit my criteria for reviews.  Dreams of Spanking is the only new large site that I can think of that's launched in a few years.  The last straw was when I decided to subscribe to (warning do not click on this unless you have your sound off!)  Spanking Ms Cali.   Here was a small spanking site that's not even included on Brushstrokes list of spanking sites - which is saying something! - and she's kinda cute on twitter! But... the site didn't work.  Even after I'd signed up and paid.  On the other hand, they have a pay-per-video store on The spanking library that worked fine here. I wound up purchasing a single movie for the same price as I had hoped to pay for access to all the movies on that site.  (It was cute, and so was she- don't get me wrong, but still.)  Clearly, my model for spanking reviews was behind the times.

In my interview with him, Dallas said the number 1 change in the industry was "Over-saturation as more spankos said to themselves 'I can do that!'"

He has a point.  Seems like everyone in the industry has a clips4sale store now.  (The spanking library serves much the same function.) In my party report on TASSP I mentioned that I'd never seen Dana Specht and Amelia Jane Rutherford in a scene together, and how they had great chemistry and had the crowd cracking up.  Since then, video shoots of the two of them have appeared on the clip$4sale store of just about every professional who was there, along with spanking scenes involving every other professional there. There are more choices now than ever before (and the video quality continues to improve.)  This is the current state of spanking videos:

But is the proliferation of individual clips4sale/The Spanking Library stores a good thing for consumers?  In some ways yes, but in some ways no.  
For the most part, individual sites featuring pay-per-individual-downloaded-movie are a TERRIBLE value compared to a monthly subscription to a larger, more established subscription sites.  Say for instance (speaking strictly hypothetically here!) one had developed a crush on a certain spanking model.  You could download individual clips featuring them from the clips sites for anywhere from $5 to $25 per movie.  On the other hand, you could subscribe to an established large site like Punished Brats -happy anniversary, by the way- where this spanking model you were interested in appeared (maybe as the most recent update) and download several movies of them, plus hours and hours of other spanking videos, literally gigs of movies, for between $20 and $30 usually.  That's a much better deal.  It's my understanding that the portion of the price of the individual movies that makes it into the hands of the content provider on these type of stores is surprisingly small, as well.

On the other hand, there are more choices, and if you're looking for a special scene, like maybe this certain model playing with Pandora Blake in a scene too hot for most of the subscription sites, the individual stores are the way to go.  While most of the movies available for purchase on the individual sites have much lower production values than the subscription sites, some of the Clips4sale stores are very good. I really like the scenes from Strictly Spanking featuring a discussion in the car on the way and then some intense spanking action.  (And "Amber from Texas" is adorable and have only seen her there!) It takes more searching though, and the preview clips these stores put up on spanking tube aren't always the best measure to judge them on- you really have to buy a few before you can get the flavor of the spanking scenes delivered by these stores.

My hunch is that the state of spanking videos is in flux.  New individual stores are blossoming, maybe at the expense of the older established subscription website model.  Pirating is a big deal.  There's more competition and choices for consumers than ever, even if some of those choices are not a good value and you pay a premium for good content.  My hunch is that the spanking video industry will continue to evolve, and maybe, hopefully, someday consumers and producers will get a distribution system similar to itunes where consumers can get the content they want easily,cheaply, and in abundance.  Meanwhile, producers won't have to worry about people stealing their content and can rely on consumers saying to themselves, "Hey, what's another 99 cents? I'll get another and another and another and another one too!"

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Secrets Revealed

Welcome back!  After a little fear-induced time off where I made the blog private, well... I'm back!

To those of you who requested invites to my "private" blog, I appreciate it and I'm flattered, but no one got an invite.  Not even Erica.  I wanted to take it down for just a bit... just in case.  Please don't ask.  Seems like the issue of keeping this kinky private side of our lives is not just an issue for me, and I very much appreciate those of you who have reached out to me.  Here's a recent blog post from someone else discussing this same issue.  It's frankly a bigger topic than I feel like tackling tonight though.  I mainly just wanted to say hi.  I missed reading the blogs, and apologize for not responding to a couple of comments.  Can't help it- in spite of my trepidation, this blog means a lot to me, and I missed it.  I missed y'all.

But in keeping with the theme of "Secrets Revealed" I thought I'd share a couple about my blog...

Not too long ago, I posted about someone I'd spanked and how she opened up to me about her "Daddy issues" and how it moved me.  Well, dear readers, I fibbed a bit about the details of that encounter.  I did so intentionally with the purpose of protecting her identity.  Until she recognized the story and tweeted that it was about her.  So much for that concealing her identity idea!  On a related note, Ten's two most recent blog posts are about identity and revealing it in light of this kinky spanking thing.

Keeping with the theme... I also posted fairly recently about my one day experience at my 1st spanking party.  In that post I described taking a caning lesson from Pandora Blake, but I said at the time I had agreed not to reveal the bottom I had practiced on in learning how to give a proper caning.  I had.  Well, she spilled the beans in one of her recent blog posts.  Yes, she taught me how and let me practice on her bottom. (And an awesome one at that!)  Oh yeah... She recently celebrated a birthday. and as a present for her fans gave them a free video of her birthday spanking!

Oh, and while we're at it... I'm flattered that Bright Bottom (always amusing) would include a little video of me as his Sunday movie.

I have a lot of pent-up blog postings to come, but please bear with me as I'm trying to limit my naughty internet time.