There are eighty-bajillion spanking blogs out there, and 99% are written by someone who is "out" as a spanko... this one is about someone who is not out but is a spanko in secret. For those who love their vanilla spouse/partner/significant other but they don't share your attraction to spanking... you're not alone.
This is nothing new. I mean, pink Pepto Bismol soothes an upset stomach, right? Decades ago, Hayden Fry, the legendary coach at Iowa infamously painted the visiting locker rooms at the stadium pink. Apparently, it was something he learned as a psychology major in undergrad. To this day, (well, as of 2010) it still stands as an amusing and maybe effective tool used against opponents.
Okay so most of the inspiration for this post is from another Slate article. See, it turns out that while the color pink is soothing, the color red has a much different effect. Red is not just the color of angry men, it's the color of desire. (and I don't know this just because I finally watched that Les Mis musical movie last weekend!) No, scientificstudiesback it up. Men are sexually attracted to the color red. Read the one on hitchhikers- women were less likely to pick up read T-Shirt wearing women, but men were more likely to do so. So ladies... Let's relate this back to spanking: If you're going to post a pic on fetlife or a spanking personal site hoping to attract a man, pose a sexy pic in red:
And just when the spanking's get a bit painful and hard to take- hold on tight and encourage just a bit more. Or discourage it in a teasing way designed to elicit a bit more- "Please sir! I don't know if I can take anymore... It hurts!" Wiggle and squirm on his lap and bear down and just take a little bit more until your bottom turns from pink to red. I guess if there's anything more attractive to a man than a gorgeous female bottom, it has to be a red one!
So should I celebrate it? I'm not exactly Irish, yet I'm not exactly Scotch. No, One side of my family traces it's roots way back to the scotch-irish immigrants that joined George Washington. And my grandfather has the troubling estate he's trying to administer on Martha's Vinyard to prove it, with lots of help from his (ahem) grandson, who has absolutely no previous knowledge of MA estate or personal income tax law but as "the family attorney" has embroiled himself in a hot mess consisting of far flung and disagreeable elements of the family that have never actually met.
My mom was adopted, but best we can tell her birth family was named a couple of strictly English names. So I figure I'm half British, half Scotch-Irish. Basically I'm a white American mutt.. There's not much of a chance to celebrate my British ancestry... but St. Patrick's day is coming up, and I want to take advantage of it. So I'll celebrate that Scotch -Irish half of me. My wife is supposedly half Irish.
So yay! whisky- of the Scotch sort.
While I'm at it though..., Here's a celebration of European military. And here's an American version of roughly the same thing. I'll make a good shepherd's pie and drink some green beer (and /or whisky) in celebration of that small part of me that might be Irish, but in reality is just an excuse to drink whisky!
I'm scared to write this post. I'm a secret spanko, after all. I genuinely hope that William Saletan doesn't link to it and bring unwanted attention to my little tiny blog. Sometimes I like to mix politics with spanking.
Sure enough, he received some negative feedback. Even some from Jillian Keenan, that self-professed spanko who was widely embraced by the spanko community following her groundbreaking confession as a spanko. He received enough negative feedback that he was forced to write a defense of his original article. In it he again stated that BDSM is different from other alternative lifestyles because it can lead to violence. His main point, and I quote, is that "S&M, and to a lesser extent dominance/submission, raises moral problems different from those raised by homosexuality. It touches on questions of violence and abuse."
So, in the words of many business consultants throughout this land, lets "unpack that"... violence in the form of hitting to inflict pain- is restricted to mostly the women's buttocks. And it's with her consent. Always. Is it different from homosexuality? Well, in many cases, the desire to spank is inherent long before puberty. I remember being fascinated with spanking well before I found women to be sexually attractive. I'm not alone.
I'm not into abuse of any kind, but I'm fascinated and sexually aroused by the sight of women being spanked. As are many other folks. In fact, according to a Durex study of sexuality in 2004, over 40% of Americans were interested in spanking as foreplay. That's higher than any other 1st world countries except for Spain and Macedonia.
Now, in the defense article, he wrote a follow up piece responding to critics, and generally I salute him for doing so. Some of those critics did a decent job of destroying his arguments. But they didn't do enough for me. Let me add to their arguments... you mention everything from rape to butterfly boards- which I've never encountered- in your accusations about BDSM... I'm curious about how many rape victims proclaim that their altercations were the result of a rapist wanting to engage in BDSM related activities vs.old fashioned heterosexual penis into vagina rape? How many kidnappings, gang rapes, etc... had to do with anything related to BDSM vs. good ole fashioned heterosexual fucknut sexual violence?
Until you can answer those questions, I'll just say that you're wrong, and that actually an affinity, even a sexual affinity for spanking is, or should be, as protected a right as is an sexual affinity for those of the same sex. This topic is far from over. However, I guess I disagree with his attitude and judgments, but in reality, I agree with his conclusion... BDSM (and spanking) is not likely to be completely accepted anytime soon. But we're working on it.
Remember back when I couldn't think of anything good to post? A topic that hadn't already been explored ad-nausea?
Okay, fine, well let's spin the topic wheel... Response to William Saletan/Is it cheating?/Born this way/interviewwithSarahGregoryandPaul... Response to Saletan... is it cheating?... Born this way... Interview with SarahGregorywhereImissedabunchofquestions... is it cheating? ...
Okay so... is it cheating? I saw a fairly heated discussion on fetlife recently where this topic was discussed. My answer may surprise the couple of you who read this blog, but my answer is... Yes. And by that I mean to engage in spanking play or activity with someone of the opposite sex who is somewhere on the spectrum between seeing someone of the opposite sex and married to someone (of the opposite sex) who is not into spanking... you're both cheating. Sorry folks... not going to defend it. Or myself. It's cheating. Ask yourself- would my partner care if he/she found out what I'm doing? If the answer is yes... you're cheating.
Sorry to break the bad news to you.
I guess every relationship is different, and I shouldn't speak for anyone but myself. On the other hand, the whole reason I started this blog was because there wasn't another spanking blog speaking for the many of us who are spankos at heart, just married to a vanilla spouse that we love. So I feel like I have some moral authority here. Still... Yeah, it's cheating. She's over your lap, her panties are probably down, and your genitals are inches from each other. You're spanking him/her and making them squirm, which is doing nothing at all to your genitals! Oh wait... you're getting excited about this. You're getting excited, she's getting excited... but you don't finish things off in thrusting your penis into her vagina... not even a thank-you BJ so you can get your rocks off but still claim -Bill Clinton style- that you haven't had sex. Y'all just aroused each other and made yourselves happy.
Been there. Done that. You (and I) still cheated.
That having been said... I think most people are wired differently sexually. I've tried to get my wife interested in it. She's tried. But she's definitely not into it. I've read about some people that can be molded into a DD relationship. Good for them. Frankly I think spanking is an integral part of my sexuality, and has been for quite a long time. In explaining my rationalization, I like the prison rape analogy. (there's a sentence --no pun intended--you don't often hear!) Let's say I was in prison. Stories abound about how prisoners rape each other. Even after years in prison, and a cellmate who turned out to be a snitch... I'm pretty sure I couldn't get hard enough to rape him. No amount of coercion or seduction would work. Sorry... guys just don't do a lot for me. And I think it's the same sort of reaction with my wife. Sorry... spanking just doesn't do a lot for me. But I rationalize it. There are women out there who have the same craving / the same need for spanking that I do. It's better to fulfill that craving than have them unfulfilled and seeking someone other than their partner to fulfill it. Not that I'm a good guy, but I'm a naughty kinky guy who wants to help them fulfill their fantasy yet understands and tries to respect their reality.
Is it cheating for partners who are both into spanking and understand the desire for it? That's a question I do not have an answer for and I think is pretty much left up to each individual and their partner. But as to those of us who are truly Secret Spankos... come on. Get real. We're cheating. The sooner we can confront it, address it, and get past it, the better.
- Watch More Funny Videos
So it's tax season... and spring break. Combine them, plus a couple of porn stars trying to get into character- her with a bikini, him with glasses (cause that makes him look all tax-preparer-y) you know after a couple of swats those bikini bottoms are coming down and it will just be straight (bad) porn. And hot college chicks have lots of tax issues, right? But there are those couple of swats, (over a minute into it) so it counts as a spanking video. Right?