Saturday, March 9, 2013

Is it Cheating?

Remember back when I couldn't think of anything good to post? A topic that hadn't already been explored ad-nausea?

Okay, fine, well let's spin the topic wheel...  Response to William Saletan/Is it cheating?/Born this way/interviewwithSarahGregoryandPaul... Response to Saletan... is it cheating?... Born this way... Interview with SarahGregorywhereImissedabunchofquestions... is it cheating? ...

Okay so... is it cheating? I saw a fairly heated discussion on fetlife recently where this topic was discussed.  My answer may surprise the couple of you who read this blog, but my answer is... Yes.  And by that I mean to engage in spanking play or activity with someone of the opposite sex who is somewhere on the spectrum between seeing someone of the opposite sex and married to someone (of the opposite sex) who is not into spanking... you're both cheating. Sorry folks... not going to defend it.  Or myself.  It's cheating.  Ask yourself- would my partner care if he/she found out what I'm doing?  If the answer is yes... you're cheating.

Sorry to break the bad news to you.

I guess every relationship is different, and I shouldn't speak for anyone but myself.  On the other hand, the whole reason I started this blog was because there wasn't another spanking blog speaking for the many of us who are spankos at heart, just married to a vanilla spouse that we love.  So I feel like I have some moral authority here.  Still... Yeah, it's cheating.  She's over your lap, her panties are probably down, and your genitals are inches from each other.  You're spanking him/her and making them squirm, which is doing nothing at all to your genitals! Oh wait... you're getting excited about this. You're getting excited, she's getting excited... but you don't finish things off in thrusting your penis into her vagina... not even a thank-you BJ so you can get your rocks off but still claim -Bill Clinton style- that you haven't had sex. Y'all just aroused each other and made yourselves happy.

Been there.  Done that.  You (and I) still cheated.

That having been said... I think most people are wired differently sexually.  I've tried to get my wife interested in it.  She's tried.  But she's definitely not into it.  I've read about some people that can be molded into a DD relationship.  Good for them.  Frankly I think spanking is an integral part of my sexuality, and has been for quite a long time.  In explaining my rationalization, I like the prison rape analogy.  (there's a sentence --no pun intended--you don't often hear!)  Let's say I was in prison.  Stories abound about how prisoners rape each other.  Even after years in prison, and a cellmate who turned out to be a snitch... I'm pretty sure I couldn't get hard enough to rape him.  No amount of coercion or seduction would work.  Sorry... guys just don't do a lot for me.  And I think it's the same sort of reaction with my wife.  Sorry... spanking just doesn't do a lot for me.  But I rationalize it.  There are women out there who have the same craving / the same need for spanking that I do.  It's better to fulfill that craving than have them unfulfilled and seeking someone other than their partner to fulfill it.  Not that I'm a good guy, but I'm a naughty kinky guy who wants to help them fulfill their fantasy yet understands and tries to respect their reality.

Is it cheating for partners who are both into spanking and understand the desire for it? That's a question I do not have an answer for and I think is pretty much left up to each individual and their partner.  But as to those of us who are truly Secret Spankos... come on.  Get real.  We're cheating. The sooner we can confront it, address it, and get past it, the better.


  1. I am not going to disagree with your argument as I think in most cases it is true. That said, I have spanked quite a few women friends with my wife's knowledge. Sometimes in our home, sometimes spending the weekend at theirs. My wife has done the same. With some, there was no sexual arousal on my part. I willed my mind into an Uncle/Niece relationship. In others, there was mutual masturbation. To the extent this can work, it requires the absence of jealousy of all partners.

  2. I think spanking someone with your wife's knowledge is -by definition- most certainly NOT cheating. If you have permission- enjoy it! (but that's just me).