Literally- not too long ago, I had my appendix removed. Through my navel. See, they now take it out laparoscopically through tiny incisions in your navel and beneath the pubic hair line, so the tiny scars don't show. I've had better days than that day, obviously, but overall I can't complain too much about the experience. It wasn't a pleasant couple of days before it got bad enough that I searched symptoms on my phone and with a sinking feeling knew what was wrong. The ER was surprisingly quick and relatively painless. The kinda cute female ER doc lifted up my gown and checked to make sure it wasn't torsion, but I wasn't in a state to enjoy it. Don't remember much after that. I was relieved I didn't say anything too inappropriate to the obviously gay nurse in my drugged-up state. Some itchy bandages and walking around taking little steps like an old man for a week or so... There were several follow up doctor visits which I'm convinced were just a chance for the doctors to get more insurance money- Sit in a waiting room 30-45 minutes, finally go back, lift up my shirt, poke around, "Yep, seem to be healing just fine!" $$ Ca - Ching!
Each time I was overly concerned about belly button lint. I'm a fairly hairy guy, and combine a hairy belly with a worn-out cotton undershirt and you get belly button lint. I made sure I cleared it before hand.
However I've done some serious figurative navel gazing even more recently. Not too long ago a great spanking romance author interviewed me, and I was somewhat surprised by the response. Bless their hearts, there are a lot of ladies who read spanking romance novels. Most of the emails I get from this blog, since starting it, have been very supportive and affirming. I've met a few ladies who wanted a spanking directly from responding to this blog. Many more emails have been from other "secret spankos" who are in a relationship with a vanilla spouse or significant other, and are relieved that they're not the only one out there like that. I love those, and that's part of why I decided to start this blog.
At the very top of this blog it says "There are eighty-bajillion spanking blogs out there, and 99% are written by someone who is "out" as a spanko, at the very least to their spouse/partner/significant other... this one is about someone who is not out but is a spanko in secret. For those who love their vanilla spouse/partner/significant other but still have that secret attraction to spanking... you're not alone."
Despite that masthead, of sorts, following the Natasha Knight interview I got a couple of emails from ladies who read spanking romance novels that said basically (paraphrasing here) "I really liked your blog and then I realized, OMG how could you do that to your wife?!!"
And so began quite a bit of self reflection/questioning/navel-gazing. As I've said before, it's an issue I struggle with. I rationalize: different people are wired differently sexually. I'm turned on by spanking. Despite attempts, she's clearly not. I don't want to attempt to shove a square peg into a round hole. As one of these ladies pointed out, here are plenty of anecdotal examples of married men leaving their family because try as they might to maintain a facade, they're gay. Both she and I have seen second hand the pain that can cause. If I were stuck in prison, no amount of coercion or seduction or effort or pressure could cause me to be aroused at gay sex. It's just not the way I'm wired. Similarly, no amount of trying can get my wife aroused from spanking, and I certainly won't force it. So I seek outlets, and part of that is writing this blog where folks similarly situated can know that they're not alone, even if they're reticent about making their presence known on the internet.
So I'm not going to quit blogging, and I'm not going to cease spanking women who want to be spanked (even/especially women married to a vanilla spouse). Yes, it's risky, but I'm a grown man and like to think I know what I'm doing.
If you've made it this far, you deserve some sexy pictures of belly buttons, right? As a spanko, all too often the belly button is hidden from view.