|Okay fine here are some images from that post that never was, from firmhandspanking.com something timely and Scottish for the female gaze, and the appropriately named http://www.mccustoms.co.uk/|
I'm always horrified at stories in the news of abuse. This one was especially bad. He hit his four year old son with a switch and the son had bruises on his testicles. While I didn't see many defending the NFL star for this directly, at least one did, and there were so many comments and stories about spanking the last couple of weeks I could have blogged about it every day.
Of course, Slate magazine was on top of it. (A direct quote from my post from March of 2013: "As I've said before, in the past I've been surprised just how many stories on this somewhat highbrow internet magazine deal with spanking.") Now Slate was hardly alone. Everyone was talking about it. But let's focus on Slate, and I'll get to why in just a minute.
- The subject of that post of mine linked above detailed his experience being paddled by a vice principle growing up, and how it taught him nothing. (And I'll disagree with him again- Peterson is a monster.)
- There was a good article addressing those that tried to defend Peterson.
- There was an even better article discussing how corporal punishment isn't a black issue, it's an American one.
It's a great article and I encourage everyone to read it. As I told someone else- it was like a blog post I'd want to write, if I could only manage to form complex thoughts into such a cogent argument. And write like a professional writer. And research like a professional writer. And devote time to this blog other than late at night after I'd had a few.
Sorry, where was I? It was a great article, and I encourage everyone reading this to read it, and spend awhile taking a look at the links in there too. She made the case that spanking has been seen as sexual for a long time.
|a scene right out of kink.com, but from the 5th century b.c.e., and there are other examples from the Renaissance and the Victorian era in England.|
Now what follows is anecdotal evidence, but it makes the physiological arguments expressed in the article ring true to me. Once upon a time, I was only interested in spanking women. Then I decided to be on the receiving end of a spanking for a couple of reasons, well, mainly one: I wanted to make sure I could take what I was dishing out. But a funny thing happened- I experienced the endorphin high I'd only heard about before. It was surprisingly sexually arousing. If for no other reason, than by my experience being spanked as an adult, I'd say it's a sexual act.
Then Ms. Keenan starts making the argument that spanking children is harmful, and links to another article discussing a study in which a bunch of children were exposed to a stressful situation (strangers giving them a math test) and then had their hormone levels tested via cheek swabs. Most of the kids, when faced with this stressful situation, had elevated levels of cortisol- it's what makes you stress and your palms sweaty. However, the girls** with a history of harsh physical discipline, when faced with the same stressful situation, instead had elevated levels (triple the level) of oxytocin- the hormone that alleviates pain when aroused, or generates warm and fuzzy feelings. That's mind blowing. Don't spank little girls, or you'll mess them up for real.
I think that study should get a whole lot more attention. It might help explain why women stay in abusive relationships. Which brings us back to the NFL and... nevermind*** not going to add yet another topic.
Again, an amazing article. While I generally agree with it, and it was generally well received by the spanking community, apparently it was not as well received by the general public. Several days after it's publication, while the article had fallen off the front page of Slate, it was still the #2 most shared article of the week. Those on twitter more than me reported that the author received death threats.
While I generally agree with the article, and truly admire the fortitude and emotional strength of author for writing it and posting it, and there's a big part of me that just wants to cheer her on, and I'm glad others have done so... I feel the need to quibble just a bit. Not even going to say it rises to shades of gray, but maybe off-white and dark charcoal gray? I wish I knew her well enough to actually debate this.
A) I've spanked my kids 4 times. I remember each, because they troubled me. Looking back, maybe I'm rationalizing but I think I did the right thing. Run out in the street without looking. Try to play with/stick something in the electrical socket. Let Mommy or Daddy tell you to come here and you look at us defiantly, we count to three and you don't come running, they need to know there are consequences. Now in two of these incidences, it was a "spanky hand" because they were in diapers. I don't regret may actions as a parent and do not think they were sex acts in any way. It was a way of getting the attention and making it clear with little ones who are just developing the ability to reason that they absolutely should not do things like run into the street without looking or stick things into electrical sockets. We never had those problems again, and now that my kids are at the level I can reason with them I won't spank them again. However, and I hate to say this but, has Ms. Keenan ever had toddler boys?
B) here's the dark gray part... The first spanking stories I ever read on the internet involved teenage girls getting spanked. I liked them, and was all "holy shit?! there are stories like this out there?!!" I truly think there's a love/hate relationship with an authority figure giving a spanking for most spankos. Some spankos like to use words like "Mommy" or "Daddy." Having said that, these desires for spanking or being spanked are at the core of their sexual being. And they (we) don't want to think that those feelings are weird, or sick, or wrong. I think there's a natural tendency to condemn that which doesn't align with one's worldview. I'm not saying that spanking kids is right, just that spankos are the first ones to say it's wrong, and that should be expected.
Okay I promise I'll either get up to date, or post some light hearted stuff soon. Until then, enjoy these footnotes:
** there was no discernible difference in the hormone levels for harshly disciplined boys faced with the same stressful situation.
*** yes one day I'll learn how to use footnotes in blogger. But it's ridiculous that an ESPN writer was suspended for 3 weeks for saying in a podcast that the NFL commissioner was lying about having not seen the video of an NFL player punching his girlfriend unconscious, when the preponderance of the evidence appears to make it clear that he had, while the ESPN guy that tried to defend him and made comments about how she may have provoked it got a 1 week suspension, and the initial suspension of the NFL player was only 2 weeks.