There are eighty-bajillion spanking blogs out there, and 99% are written by someone who is "out" as a spanko... this one is about someone who is not out but is a spanko in secret. For those who love their vanilla spouse/partner/significant other but they don't share your attraction to spanking... you're not alone.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
How hard? In pursuit of Goldilocks
How hard to you like your spankings? giving or receiving? It can be a crucial question when discussing either with a potential play partner, and one that's not easily answered. I came up with my hamburger analogy of how spankings differ, and every spanko has their own idea about their spanking preferences. I touched on severity, but the best I could come up with is that I couldn't decide which was more severe: well-done or extra rare and red. Without actually giving a spanking and deciding a little more or a little less, it's tough to say what your preference is because everything is relative based on one's experience (both the top and the bottom).
Not too hard, not too soft... just right!
Yes, she should be forgiven, but after she's been spanked
I'm admittedly a switch, but I've had disappointing sessions in both roles due to the fact that we weren't on the same page in terms of severity level. I stopped spanking one lady because of the state of her butt. She'd explained that she was very experienced and a heavy player. She wanted more but I was uncomfortable because her butt looked like hamburger meat. We talked, debriefed, and we met again. The second time again she was giving all the signals that she wanted more- and again I got squeamish at the state of her butt and stopped before she got what she wanted. On the other hand, I once met someone I'd played with a couple of times before, and we were going to film me getting a spanking for her website. Perhaps it was my state of mind, maybe it was the fact that I'd watched a couple of her recent videos, but I told her to go easy on me. The result was a spanking so weak it didn't do much for me and wasn't even included in the video.*
So how does one decide how hard? How severe? It's tough to do without trial and error. most good spankers err on the side of too little, especially initially. Also the skin tone can affect marks dramatically. I personally think it's best to determine like a chef tasting the soup/sauce/batter throughout the cooking and deciding based on his/her skilled and trained taste. It's hard to describe, but the taste is gauged based on the spankee's reactions. I was corresponding with another switch spanko recently about this topic was great, and her response mirrored my own:
"How severely I like to spank is kind of hard to answer. I do not like the look of damage. I would rather disappoint by going too easy on someone than going too hard, especially initially. However, I like spankings to hurt. I like to see some roses in a spankee's cheeks, but besides that, I don't have a visual goal. I like some of a spanking to be fun and easy to take, and I like some of it to be challenging."
I couldn't have said it better myself. I think this picture from punished brats sums up my just-enough-but-not-too-much thoughts well.